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I recently helped my father get on at my company and he's making $50k+/year after being jobless for a few months. Before that he worked a part time gig that let him go because he wasn't producing (sales, my father is a mechanical guy).

My mother has little marketable skills because, God bless her, she's been a hell of a homemaker. She has no education and knows nothing more than being married to my dad for 30+ years. Besides that, my father refuses to allow her to work.

My youngest sister, 21, lives with them. No high school diploma and has never been pushed to do anything. They blame her not getting a job on living in a rural area with no transportation.

My grandmother (mom's mom) lives two houses down from them. She's retired and lives on a fixed budget but has done well with what she has. My mother spends most of her free time helping my grandmother keep house and takes her to doctor visits, etc.

I don't know all their financial details but I have a good idea they've been living in or right above poverty for the past decade. They have a little debt (can't be more than $15k). They live an hour and a half away from his job now but are constantly telling me they have no money to move closer (it's been 4 months of $900/week checks, its overtime season at work). And I know they have next to no retirement savings.

I'm stressed out because I hoped that they would use this new found income to get their shit together, but they're not. They cite overwhelming bills for not moving but he just bought a $1500 car from a friend. They have 2 other running vehicles. My wife and I were trying to lead by example, aggressively saving and being wise with our finances, but that doesn't seem to be of any impact. My mother even openly mocked our frugality on Christmas Day.

I feel like I have to have a conversation with them or nothings ever going to change. I don't want to. I'm a naturally confrontational person but this is my father. It feels wrong every time I even think about it.

PF Redditors, what should I do?


Maybe grandma's house is their "retirement" plan?

I would definitely not plan to help them. Your wife works, and it would be her $ helping to support a mother and sister who didn't work? Nope.

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Original Poster1 point · 8 months ago

Grandma also rents a trailer. That's a no-go.

Your sister if she is capable needs to be pushed to get a GED and work doing something. She should have a drivers license even if she doesn't have a car to drive. She should be contributing in one way or another, even if it's cleaning grandma's house.
Your mother has skills, even though they might not be past job history. Is a cleaning service a possibility? Maybe have it be a business for your mother and sister?

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Original Poster2 points · 8 months ago

Her cleaning skills are masterful. I guess that's 33 years of being a homemaker. I have definitely suggested this before.

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