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If you're open to making it open source I'm sure we could all pull together and give it some sweet analytical features.

1) Piano / Keys

2) Intermediate

3) 25

4) Ketamine, oddly enough. And benzos. LSD helps me appreciate music, but even tripping I'm usually too critical of myself. Ketamine helps me explore new ideas without shutting any creativity down too soon. And benzos make me care less about how bad I sound. Those "bad" ideas are usually what lead to better ideas, and unique music.

5) The above drugs help me get in touch with "the muse", but if I want to learn a new song or study music theory and sheet music, caffeine and kratom are my go-to. Kratom helps me with neck pain that is inevitable with piano practice, and caffeine makes me more effecient and improves my stamina.

6) I love the technical, conceptual side of music. I like reading about jazz music theory and learning songs note by note.

For what it's worth, I had an experience extremely similar to yours just a few days ago:

The last week (after ket) has easily been the happiest week I've had in months -- maybe years. I agree that there is an afterglow and I won't feel like this forever. But there's something about ketamine that does something for depression that nothing else does. It requires self-control to take it only monthly or bi-weekly, but the relief I experienced (and what you seem to experience) is incredible and I'm super happy for you. I hope as more people research this we can find the right balance to treat depression while avoiding any kind of abuse or false hope.


I received three batches of ketamine in the last week. First was .25g, second was .5g, and third was 1g from a new vendor.

This was the first time I'd tried ket, though I've read about it a bit and had small doses for surgery. Mainly I stick to opiates, benzos, weed, and acid.

I was absolutely blown away. Within 2 minutes of insuflating what I eyeballed to be 50mg I knew what people love about it. After 10 minutes I took another 50 and lay down.

Main effects at this point: - lost sensation of physical touch - a sense of disassociation (how is my body moving) - lightweighted - slightly blurred vision and an extreme sense of wonder and joy. I was floating.

I resumed my usual daily task but felt so happy doing them. I felt purpose. I also felt very magnanimous.

Second time I took more at once (probably 250mg) and had what I think was a k-hole while taking a shower. 5 minutes to me was actually an hour in RL. When I got out my wife said I had been in there for 1.5 hours. I had to get out because the hot water ran out. I would have stayed for another hour if it hadn't. I spent most of the time sitting on the shower floor staring at the wall and moving my hands trying to figure out how they moved on their own. My chronic pain was nonexistent and I felt extreme euphoria and hope for my life. It was the #1 joyful experience of all types I've had in YEARS. I ruminated over that 1.5 hours for days and days. And I have been incredibly happy lately.

I have been diagnosed with and had depression for 2 years, on and off ssri/snris over and over. They help but not enough. I exercise and use benzos to help. This moment in the shower was the happiest I've felt since I was a child. Even after trying acid mutiple times (including microdosing )

This is getting long now. But the third dose was higher in quality and I used a digital scale to get an idea of the right doses for me. I measured out two 50mg lines and snorted them. Waited 5 minutes and took 100mg more. I went to my bed and laid down. I was spinning. The music encompassed everything. My body was non existent. I was comfortable in any physical position. I was floating on the ceiling and even saw closed eyes visuals that accompanied the music. I didn't think ket could be psychedelic like that. Anyway I ended up falling asleep with my headphones on full blast and when I woke up my wife told me she found me sleeping while music was blasting.

Those few minutes or hours as I lay in bed falling asleep were the closest thing to heaven I can imagine. I am waiting at least a month to do this again but I have no doubt it's had a possible effects on my mental state and my marriage.

I had never imagined such a state of concsiousness could exist in the list. I'm looking forward to doing acid and ket together in the future to see what else I can discover.

** I welcome any advice or earnings based on the details I've provided, as I want to remain a functional non-addictive and use drugs for the positive benefits without abusing them. **

Tldr; Ketamine is by far my favorite drug so far and I truly believe it is the next logical step in treatinf depression across the world.

Love you all. (no I'm not high right now, just reflective, haha)

Tips: test for purity, and measure your doses. Take long tolerance breaks and create a setting for your ketamine trip (not unlike acid)

1 point · 3 months ago · edited 3 months ago

Please don't take ketamine and LSD together. That will fuck your blood pressure up six ways from Sunday.


The outcomes on the cardiovascular system are infinite

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Original Poster1 point · 3 months ago

Great to know. This is why I read Reddit. Thanks my friend

3 points · 3 months ago

A little tip for you, make sure you’ve come down before sleeping. In my experience if I go to bed whilst on ket I wake up the next day on an extreme low, similar to the mdma comedown mixed with a hangover.

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Original Poster3 points · 3 months ago

Thanks for the tip. Luckily this time I woke up alright but I'll be more careful


My wife has pretty serious anxiety about going to church, and since she knows I'm out mentally it's easier for both of us to stay home or go do something else. Our new tradition is getting Taco Bell when church starts. For some reason it's even tastier on Sundays. :)

9th East Taco bell ftw for me

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Original Poster4 points · 7 months ago

That's ours too. :)

Just about anywhere will be an amazing choice. I get up in southern Oregon, in Klamath Falls. It’s a great place to raise kids and is a farming/ranching community. It’s pretty conservative but growing.

The coast is gorgeous and can’t be beat but it’s expensive and touristy.

Eugene is fun and big but with the small town feel. It’s a huge college town though.

Eastern/south eastern Oregon is a high dessert with tiny farming communities strewn through out, but again the sights are something to behold.

I chose Portland because it’s big and has amazing culture and tons of activities.

Basically anywhere you choose in Oregon is a good choice (though I’m sure some might disagree with me).

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Original Poster1 point · 7 months ago

Excellent summary!

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Wow, what a horrible experience. I'm sure you all know the feeling of Kratom stuck in your throat and the sight of beautiful green powder flying in the air as you cough vigorously.

I always take my Kratom in capsules. It's been great. Today I couldn't find my go-to water bottle so I just got a drink from the sink to swallow the capsules.

I took a shower and starting looking for clothes to wear. As I bent down I coughed involuntary and a cloud of Kratom dust filled the air. I gagged like 5 times on the way to the sink to drink more water. Bad decision. It made me throw up. I didn't have anything flavorful to drink like orange juice or soda. Just water.

So now I'm sitting here with Kratom dust in my nose and throat, wishing I would have drunk two glasses of water like usual.

Anyway, no matter how you take.your Kratom, make sure you follow it with lots of liquid or you'll be sorry 15 minutes later. (or immediately)

304 points · 7 months ago

Anyone else freaked out a bit by giant wave machines like this?

The thought of being helpless in the water with one of them as it moves kind of makes me shudder…

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I came here to say this exactly.


I spent the last week out of the country. On the way home from the airport we had an amazing conversation about our future. She said she's glad I don't believe anymore and am unafraid of saying so. She thinks Provo is hurting me and wants to move to another state to start a new life. I'm so thankful for this community. I wouldn't have been here without you. Any recommendations? We are thinking Oregon or Colorado.

If you begin to doubt, look upon the mountain. For there is your sign. "Y". As in Y are we still here? Y do young people still flock here with no idea in their heads except suitable mate? Y do we still fear the church?

The highway that runs thru Provo goes in many directions. And it stays open late.

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Original Poster2 points · 7 months ago

I'm going to remember this.

I live in Portland. I like it here but it definitely isn't for everyone.

I'll start with the bad:

Housing is very expensive and finding a place to rent is very difficult. There just isn't enough supply to meet the demand.

Traffic is getting noticeably worse by the year. If you're having to hop on the freeway during normal commute times it can be awful. And sadly it's only going to get worse.

The weather is unique. From November through April it's a lot of clouds and rain. People can either handle this or they hate it. When I was in Utah I actually really liked the clear cold days. On the plus side we have what I think are the best summers in the entire country. No humidity, hurricanes, tornadoes, or extreme heat. We only have about 3 days at 100 degrees per year.

The good:

The culture of open mindedness and more progressive ideals is awesome.

I think the food choices and entertainment choices are very good. Professional sports teams, decent downtown hangout spots and events.

Public transportation is good if you live near the max stops.

No awful bugs, snakes, or spiders.

Right now the job market is very strong here. This is probably pretty similar to any place at the moment.

If you truly can go anywhere you should be able to determine fairly easily if Portland is right for you or not simply because it's pretty unique.

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Original Poster1 point · 7 months ago

Very informative. Thank you!

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I was just thinking this! I'm sure it will happen some day.

I am pretty excited about this one. Too bad it's not available for US residents.


I've felt so much better since I decided to be honest with myself and mentally leave the church. Perhaps one of the greatest joys that has come from this is being on the same plane as my nevermo friends. My best friend from my adolescence came through Provo a month ago and we just had the best conversations. I could finally relate to him and him to me. It's so nice to be authentic. Growing up there was always a certain distance between us because of my Mormon faith and now it's gone.

I hope other exmo's can reach out to old friends and rekindle friendships that might have been damaged by LDS beliefs.


Opiate withdrawal. It's the worst discomfort and pain I've ever been in.


It just makes me so sad to see all these missionaries scarfing down their last Cafe Rio meal, anxiously waiting to get on the plane. Most of them have no idea what they're in for. My mission tore me apart. I just hope they can make it through alright.


Upvote for the Cafe Rio observation

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Original Poster7 points · 9 months ago

He was attacking that thing. I feel like everytime I go to Cafe Rio I see a departing missionary.

Every time I drive past the MTC I roll down my window and yell "Get out while you can!!!" The least I can do, I know. Maybe someday I'll find a more effective way to infiltrate the system 😂

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Original Poster20 points · 9 months ago

That's more than I do. You're a good person.

I can't get Reese's where I live (South America). :(

I will try very hard not to envy you, I promise...

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Original Poster1 point · 10 months ago

I know the feeling. Served in Brazil.

hahahahahahahahaha but did you eat it in the established way we have been instructed to eat it!? See:

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Original Poster1 point · 10 months ago

Haha I love this

I always try to say "We will go down" when I'm in an elevator.

Congrats.. I still toss and was most of the time but that capsule machine comes in handy. Found the quickest way for me was just measure out 12 grams and dump most of it in the machine.. just have to tamp it slow or it volcanoes everywhere.. that and use an old credit card to spread it.. the included card had the tendency to fling stuff everywhere..

What do you use the specimen collection cups for?

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Original Poster1 point · 10 months ago

I'm going to use them to store different strands (separated by vendor) either in powder or in capsules. They were super cheap so it seemed like a good start.


I thought it would be cool to collect patriarchal blessings from people in this sub to compare them, but I guessed it had already been done. And it has. (

That was 3 years ago and there aren't many on that site. What do you guys think about trying this again?

Also I was thinking we could start a discussion about what other collaborative exmo projects we could start. Any ideas?

(Think data aggregation from public sources, scrapable sites, or collectible data from tens of thousands of members)

I make websites for a living so anything is possible!

I've seen a number of people posting now and then asking about changes to The Essays and other sites. Those are archived in various places around the net, but it would be interesting to maybe scrape the pages periodically and have a git repository somewhere that could actually show diffs if changes are made. Someone proposed doing something similar to show Book of Mormon changes over time, which I thought was an interesting idea - though not something I personally have time to work on.

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Original Poster1 point · 10 months ago

This would be especially interesting now that the scriptures are online. It's much easier to make unseen changes. Maybe we could scrape multiple pages on the church website weekly.

Yes. I can add you as an approved submitter on /r/TapirSignal/

You can follow this link to sign up to be a volunteer.

When someone is in need we put up a tapirsignal and you will receive a PM with a link to the post and person that needs help. The main goal is to pool our resources so when a situation arises we can message everyone quickly and use our collective brainpower and resources to help the person/people in need.

We have also recently teamed up with the /r/exjw sub to help the Jdubs that are in need. (don't worry I asked if it was okay to call them jdubs and they said it was okay) Their signal will be called the Sparlock signal because of this video put out by the watchtower.

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Original Poster1 point · 10 months ago

Sweet. Thanks for the add.

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Have you seen this website before?

This sounds like a really cool idea. I think that readers who are looking for all the differences would need a pleasant graphical interface for easily seeing all the changes. I don't know if GitHub's UI would be good enough. I just envision myself clicking a million times to see just a few discrepancies.

To avoid waking up with physical discomfort, I take a small dose before bed. I wake up feeling great.

How much did you take? I've never had peeing problems below 10 grams.


It's been 6 months since I started using Kratom. It is still every bit as effective as it was when I started. I'm amazed everyday at how much Kratom helps me.

I have narrowed down my strains. I take 1 dose (4g-6g) of red MD or Bali in the morning and then in the afternoon. Within 30 minutes my neck pain is gone and my mood boosts 100%. If it weren't for discovering this plant, I'd surely be in the grasps of opiates and my depression would take over.

Many family members have told me to stop. They've even said that Kratom is "the next heroin". The ignorance astonishes me. I hope that someday everyone will know the good side of Kratom.

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January 10, 2011

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