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rekreid commented on a post in r/AskWomen
rekreid [score hidden]

My grandparents met in high school and were married for 65 years. I have friends who met the one at 40 or 50. I know people who had multiple “the ones”.

Don’t worry, for some people it takes time to find who you’re meant to be with. But it’s always worth the wait for the right person.

rekreid commented on a post in r/AskWomen
Hatcheling 323 points

With mine, it's like all the outer extremeties were interrupted in development. It's not something super noticeable, but once you see it - you can't unsee how freakishly small my ears are. My pinky toes are basically just tiny nubs with a bit of nail attatched, and my pinky fingers are really short.

rekreid 1 point

This is me! I have very small ears, small hands, and small toes. I was fairly premature so my mom always chucks it up to that.

rekreid commented on a post in r/learnprogramming
rekreid 3 points

Many hackathons are decently welcoming to people who are newer to programming or don't have loads of experience. But there is a massive difference between a new or inexperienced programmer and someone who has literally never seen a line of code.

Even if you have only programmed for a few months, you have a general idea of where to start and with help, you can learn and make progress. But when you have never seen a line of code or worked in a related field every step is going to be a challenge: what language are you using? , what do you need to download on your laptop?, what is github?, where do you learn syntax?, what is a compiler?, etc., etc, etc. Just getting to "Hello World" will be a struggle especially since most hackathon workshops aren't catered to things that basic.

I went to a hackathon in high school when I only had about a month or so of experience programming in python. So even though I had essentially no experience, I at least had a text editor downloaded, had seen code before, and had had the basics (variables,types, etc.) explained to me. I'm pretty sure I only wrote a rudimentary program that did some math, but I still learned and had a good time. In the same way, my dad has never programmed, but works in technology consulting on the business side so talks to programmers daily and understands high level concepts. I'm sure he would manage at a hackathon besides never having programmed before. There is new and inexperienced and then there is new and inexperienced

rekreid commented on a post in r/femalefashionadvice
rekreid 8 points

IMO Nordstrom has very judgmental staff. I am white, so I've never experienced any racial profiling but I have experienced the "you don't look like you can afford this" look so many times. I've been ignored, I've gotten very judgmental eye overs, and rude comments many times. It's amazing how different I'm treated when I come in dressed well and put together versus in bumming around clothes.

rekreid commented on a post in r/AskFeminists
rekreid 12 points

I think it is very important to raise kids without enforcing gender roles or stereotypes, and enforce the notion that gender and sexuality are fluid. However I strongly disagree with raising children without gender. We can debate whether gender is good or bad, but we cannot debate that gender is a reality of our society.

Raising your kids without gender will simply confuse them when other kids their age talk about gender (and it's a big topic of conversation among kids), when it's talked about at school, when they are asked to label themselves, when strangers talk to them, and in basically any possible situation. IMO you would be doing a disservice to your child by setting them up for confusion and an inability to relate to their peers.

agnoster 3 points

Raising your kids without gender will simply confuse them when other kids their age talk about gender

I think I don't fully understand this line of reasoning. If you tell your kid they're a boy, does that mean it will confuse them if they meet someone who says they're a girl?

IMO you would be doing a disservice to your child by setting them up for confusion

I see this "confusion" used a lot in this conversation, without any indication of what the confusion would be, exactly.

rekreid 1 point

I think I don't fully understand this line of reasoning. If you tell your kid they're a boy, does that mean it will confuse them if they meet someone who says they're a girl?

Unless you live in a gender-free uber-progressive utopia, essentially all children are assigned a gender, have a rudimentary understanding of gender roles, and have basically no experience with non-binary people or people who use they/them pronouns. Raising a child without a gender is essentially saying there are these two (in most people's minds, ik gender is not binary) enormous groups of people that all kids your age belong to and you exist outside of those two groups. Labeling can be harmful and restrictive, but a lot of how we operate as a society is by assigning ourselves and other people labels so that we can better understand each other, organize ourselves, and find people similar to us. By raising your child without gender you are singling them out, making them different from every other kid, and making it much more challenging for them to fit in.

I do not think that fitting in or putting yourself into a box should be the end goal or what we aim for as a society, but currently most of our society is built to exist in a binary. Most places have women's and men's bathrooms, in school kids are often organized or split up(in the classroom, when changing for PE, etc.) by gender, and I could go on and on. Maybe the family depicted in the article is really lucky, but in any places you kid would face bullying and harassment and a lot of pushback for your kid using they/them pronouns. If someone decides that they want to use specific pronouns - that's awesome, but I think opening your kid up to such scrutiny, possible bullying, and unwanted attention when they probably would be content with either she/her or he/him pronouns is unnecessary.

When I say "confusion" what I mean is you are making life harder for your kid. It is confusing to be singled out among your peers. It is confusing to not fit into any of the boxes that society assigns and that everyone else seems to fit in and use. It is confusing to be bullied or harassed for your pronouns when you are taught it is harmless. It is confusing to have tons of unwanted attention or scrutiny when you are introduced.

rekreid commented on a post in r/InteriorDesign
rekreid 1 point

I'd freshen up the bedding, add a bench to the end of the bed, and change up your art.

The bedding is decent looking, but it looks a bit worn and is a bit drab. If you don't want to change a ton, a new knit throw blanket on the end of the bed and some new shams/throw pillows would go a long way. Personally, I would replace the front pillow cases with nicer white shams for a more polished look. Anthropologie has super cool throw blankets: like this, this, or this one folded at the end.

I personally don't love shelves above beds, and I'd opt for a large piece of art instead. For a bench at the end of the bed - something a bit more modern like this one would look really nice.

rekreid commented on a post in r/AskWomen
LemonBomb 3 points

Never heard of these and looked them up. $20 for one pair of socks? What's so amazing about them??

rekreid 1 point

They're great wool socks and last forever. I've had most of my pairs for at least a few years and they're still in great shape. Plus nothing keeps your feet warmer in winter than wool socks.

rekreid 44 points

Normal Socks: a few weeks

Wool Socks: forever

rekreid commented on a post in r/DesignMyRoom
rekreid 4 points

You have a LOT of furniture. You mention your desk and couch are big, but you also have a coffee table, side table, big tv stand, floor lamp, floor speaker next to your lamp, bookcase (alcohol cabinet?) next to your couch, and the subwoofer(?) next to your tv stand. That's too much furniture - especially since it's all large furniture - for a smaller room. Your solution should not be to add furniture, it should be to replace or ideally get rid of some furniture.

The reason your room feels cramped isn't just because you have a lot of furniture, it's because almost all of your furniture is "heavy" and takes up a lot of visual space. It's dark, big, and almost all sits directly on the ground. If you swapped out all of your furniture for similarly sized furniture that was white and with glass tables and bookshelves and lifted off of the ground your room would feel completely different.

First, I would not put a console table behind your couch. Even a small console table will push your couch 6+ inches off of the wall and your room isn't that wide. There won't be enough room left to comfortably walk on either side of the coffee table.

I think a new, smaller profile couch in a lighter color would help the room feel less cramped and brighter. But good couches are a big investment so I'll just recommend what I would do without dropping much on furniture.

I would replace the side table since it's so large with a much smaller, glass topped side table with no bottom shelf. Even though your tables are glass topped, those wooden low shelves make them feel like they're sitting on the ground. I'd put a small table lamp on top and get rid of the floor lamp too.

The liquor cabinet takes up a lot of space - do you need a whole cabinet to store liquor bottles and glassware? I'd strongly consider replicating some of that stuff to the kitchen or installing actual shelves. Three stacked, longer shelves can probably store all of your liquor and glassware.

rekreid commented on a post in r/mentalhealth
rekreid 3 points

If you found therapy helpful before, it might be worth sticking with. But you don't need to go as often or go as often. If you only need to go every other week or once a month you can do that! If you want to find a therapist you "click with" more, you can!

rekreid commented on a post in r/progresspics
Starswinwoo -15 points

This cant be real, telling a 22 year old she looks like he teenage daughter should not make sense to even semi-reasonable people. There is no way 112 people agree with this, this is some scarey shit what reddit is capable of doing.

rekreid 14 points

Dude, chill out.

rekreid commented on a post in r/changemyview
cmvthrowaway2018 790 points

I'm going to give you a ∆ for suggesting the sociological scholarship instead of inflammatory blogs. I think it's hard because I never feel like I'm doing enough. But you're right, I'm not helping myself.

rekreid 1 point

I never feel like I'm doing enough.

Go out and vote. Vote in your local elections, vote in your state elections, vote in the primaries, and vote in special elections. One of the most useful and powerful things a person can do is vote. Voting for candidates that support minorities, LGBTQA rights, feminism, etc. will make a real world impact.

rekreid commented on a post in r/AskWomen
rekreid 1 point

I'd want an emerald cut diamond-looking stone with a gold band. Diamonds rock (see my pun there) but Id be fine with anything that looks similar like Moissanite. I also love vintage rings and rings that have been passed down in the family for sentimental values.

rekreid commented on a post in r/AskWomen
rekreid 1 point

Not important. I am very loosely religious - raised religious and just celebrate major holidays now - and I'd prefer a partner who isn't very religious or conservative.

I think my only major deal breakers are hard core atheists because they tend to run me the wrong way and extremely religious people.

rekreid commented on a post in r/AskMen
PhoenixMDL 113 points

Women are incapable of unconditional love with anyone but their own children.

Dogs are better companions

Edit: thanks renee.

rekreid 5 points

Neither are men...

You shouldn't unconditionally love your partner. What if they lie, cheat on you, physically abuse you, become a completely different person? Love should be conditional on multiple respect, kindness, etc.

PhoenixMDL 1 point

It’s assumed this is a normal relationship where none of that occurs. 🤨

rekreid 2 points

I listed more extreme examples, but there are so many things in "normal relationships" that make love conditional. For me, a long term relationship is conditional on my partner also wanting kids. I don't think that makes me crazy or a bad partner or incapable of love. I make sure my partners know this about me and I wouldn't fault then if they change their view on kids while we're together. But it is a condition on our relationship.

I think you could say similar things about a lot of things: lots of people's love is conditional on their partner having similar goals in life (whether that's traveling or kids or buying a house), or conditional on supporting each other, or conditional on sharing responsibilities, or conditional on being willing to compromise, etc.

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rekreid commented on a post in r/changemyview
rekreid 5 points

You claim that

Making false claims of rape is just as destructive as committing that act.

And add a list of reasons why being raped has equally bad consequences to being falsely accused of rape. I do think that these are both horrible things and that there should be criminal prosecution for both rapists and false accusers. However, being raped and being accused of rape are not comparable in terms of societal backlash, psychological trauma, or physical trauma.

Rape victims can suffer from any number of physical traumas including tearing, bleeding, bruising, cuts, broken bones, STDs, HIV transmission, and possibly pregnancy. Rape victims can suffer from any number of psychological traumas including PTSD, panic attacks, anxiety, depression, shock, sleep disturbances, eating disorders, fear, inability to/ fear of have sex, flashbacks, low self esteem, phobias, increased substance abuse, and suicidal thoughts and tendencies. And that is on top of societal reactions like shaming the victim, victim blaming, and in many religious or more conservative communities being seen as "impure" or "ruined".

The possible traumas caused by being a victim of rape are significantly more numerous, significantly more impactful on a person's physical health and wellbeing, and significantly more impactful on a person's mental health and wellbeing. Even assuming that a person accused of rape actually faces all the backlash that you listed, being "blackballed" by society does not compare to the physical and mental trauma that comes with being raped. You are not physically harmed when you are falsely accused of rape. You are not sexually violated when you are accused of rape. You fill not experience PTSD or flashbacks when you are falsely accused of rape. Yes, it is horrible and there will probably be an impact on your life, but it is in no way comparable to what rape victims must face and overcome.

Part of your argument as to why a false accusation is as detrimental as rape, is that even when a false clams is determined to be false "the damage is already done". Allowing criminal investigation into whether or not a rape claim was false will result in some rapists using this as an avenue to further discredit or shame their victims. If you make it possible for a rapist to easily turn around and claim that it is a false accusation, you are putting that societal "damage" on the victim. If you think there is serious damage done by being falsely accused of rape, there is equal societal damage done by being investigated for making a false allegation. Being known as "that guy who was accused of raping someone" is horrible, but so is being "that girl who was accused of making false rape allegations".

I am not trying to dissuade actual victims.

This would do exactly that. To claim otherwise is simply ignorant. There are already so many hurdles to coming forward with a rape accusation: guilt, fear, thinking you won't be believed, lack of evidence or "he said she said", victim blaming, societal backlash, and the emotional pain of experiencing a long, drawn out trial where the worst moment of your life is examined, questioned, and picked apart. Even the most minuscule chance that coming forward with a rape accusation would land you on the sex offenders list will dissuade victims. It won't dissuade victims because there is a tiny chance of ending up on the list, it will dissuade victims because there is a tiny chance of ending up on the list combined with everything else that already makes it painful and difficult to come forward with a rape accusation.

And seriously, making a false accusation is horrible and should be a crime. But it is not a sex crime. It is defamation, it is libel, it is fraud, it is perjury, loss of income, it might be fabrication of evidence. But it is not a sex crime. Equating false accusations with rape or sexual assault (which is exactly what you're doing when you make a false accuser a sex offender) is diminishing how seriously we view sexual assault and rape. There are other avenues to increase consequences of false accusations if you think that is important, but it should not be through diminishing the severity of sex crimes.

rekreid commented on a post in r/AskWomen
rekreid 2 points

Dying my eyebrows. I have blonde, almost-white eyebrows and it has always bothered me and made me look so much younger than I am. I started dying them and it's a whole new world! Now I feel confident not wearing make up because I still have brows and I feel like I look my age.

childfree_IPA 16 points

I stopped wearing makeup. I never enjoyed wearing makeup to begin with, so it was an easy thing to do. I feel a lot more confident now, more comfortable in my own skin, and I don't ever have that "omg don't look at me without makeup" feeling anymore.

I would recommend it to people that don't like wearing makeup. I would not recommend it to people that enjoy wearing makeup.

rekreid 1 point

I love makeup, but was recently realized that i depended on it a bit too much. I cut back and no longer wear makeup every day and wear lighter makeup on "normal" days. I feel so much better and more confident in my own skin!

rekreid commented on a post in r/AskWomen
rekreid 2 points

Make sure to keep some balance in your life - you don't want to burn out. While there are some people who can drastically shift their eating and gyming habits, most people are more successful with smaller, gradual changes. It's unrealistic to wake up one morning and vow to go to the gym for a hour every day and eat nothing but salad and vegetables until you hit your goal weight. If you haven't been going to the gym, start with a two or three days a week and work up to more. If you haven't been eating healthy, introduce more healthy food into your diet and cut back on calorie intake, but you can still eat some bread or have a glass or wine or have a cheat day. If losing weight is a horrible experience, you aren't going to stick with it or be successful long term.

rekreid commented on a post in r/AskWomen
rekreid 1 point

My current partner is Israeli and Jewish while I am american and catholic. While my partner's religion and culture have not seriously impacted our relationship, it has really opened my eyes. I grew up in the Midwest and didn't know very much about Jewish culture, history, or Israel. I understand so much more about the Jewish religion, Jewish culture, and antisemitism. The only way his religion/culture would impact our life seriously is if we decide to marry/have kids as he wants his kids to be Jewish, but luckily I am perfectly happy to have my kids be a different religion than my own.

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