I've been out of the Hospital one week. And never single day I've wanted to go back. Supposed to see a therapist when I got out but they've been busy.
I also have a lot of friends who are relying on me. So I wonder if I should go back to the hospital. I feel more stable than when I went in. But my mood keeps dropping really fast.
I just spent 2 weeks in a hospital mental health section. It was a great experience. I went because I had a plan for suicide. And then I tried to kill myself the 2nd day there.
Ive been diagnosed PTSD, Bipolar I, and now Borderline Personality Disorder.
And I keep wanting to cut as a reflex. I'm angry? Cut. I'm hungry but no food, cut. I'm anxious. Cut.
I haven't since being out of the hospital. But I feel I'm almost ready to hit a psychotic episode. I'm so dang scared of myself.
I just really want a therapist and I have to wait until Wednesday to find out who it is.
Should I go back? Or should I go to a 30day program about 2 hours from me.
I thought the hardest part was going to be in not having anyone over for a week. But I also had nobody to text or call or talk to. I'm in the middle of a med change and I feel so hopeless again. And I have to put myself in the hospital again. And it's so unfair to my husband who then has to deal with the house his job finances me and our dogs by himself. We don't really have a lot of friends or family because we live far from them.
I've been pushing this off for weeks. But I have to or I'm going to end up killing myself on an impulse. I'm scared for my family because they really need me and I can't be there.
My psych said lithium is a last resort medication due to side effects. I just started it and can tell immediately I feel zombie like. However, right now that's fine with me.
If this doesn't work, I go inpatient again. Leaving my husband to worry about bills, food, our dogs, etc all by himself.
Load more comments
My psych just put me on lithium and said it's her last resort medication because of side effects.
If this doesn't work, we're going to have to try ECT. Or some other not completely conventional therapy.
She did say she won't make me do it but she suggests it may help.
I'm scared and nervous. If this med fails. I think I'm done. There'd be no hope left.
I've battled depression my entire life. I was always sad and worried. Even when I was 4.
I'm 27 now. I'm married. He's wonderful. But it's been hell getting here. And I had a stroke which has messed up my emotions a lot.
I feel like there's nothing anyone can do for me now. I've tried a lot. I'm on tons of meds.
Nothing is helping. I just want to lay in bed. Don't care to eat. Shower. Open my eyes.
I'm so exhausted. I just want to stop for awhile.
What do I do?
Load more comments
I'm wanting a simple awareness ribbon. About 1x1 on my shoulder. Not my first tattoo.
I just don't know who is least expensive but also good. I have a limited amount I'm able to save up.
Thanks all. I'm on phone only and searching is difficult.
I'm a she and 27. Married. Have 2 dogs. Love weightlifting, trying to lose weight, love coffee.
And I had a stroke a few months ago. I'm not able to leave the house on my own. Except for a few selected places.
Online chat, public meeting space, something like that. I just need more people interaction as I heal.
Load more comments
This year has been one for the record books. I still don't know how I'm standing. How I'm here. Alive.
Anyway. Ever since about a year now, my mania is more common than depression.
I do see a psych. We've just changed my meds again. I have a high tolerance to meds for some reason.
Anyway. My mania is still depressed though. So I've been self harming and preparing for suicide.
I feel so out of control and the hospital here doesn't help. I'm okay right now. But it's a damn ready to burst.
An old friend of mine has been battling cancer. She had breast cancer and went into remission after a masectomy. The last 6 months, she's been fighting bone cancer that kept spreading.
Now she's been given days to live. She's so beautiful and happy...she's a fighter.
But I'm over here trying to kill myself the last few months. And she's fighting for her life.
Why? Why can't I trade places? I don't know her well anymore but she is just so inspirational and this is how she dies? It's not fucking fair.
Now I feel even worse for hurting myself. But I still don't want to be here. I just...I don't understand why. Why take someone so good and full of life.. :'(
It started in March. I'm 27. I had just begun a wonderful job. I was very happy with my husband of 8.5 years. And I was working with a personal trainer to get back to an ideal weight.
Then I had a stroke. Freak accident from working out too hard. Tore part of my vertebral artery which released clots to my brain.
Before I go into too much detail, the last 2 weeks have been the hardest.
The birth dates for my 3 children who I miscarried came and went. I lost 2 of them last year.
I've yet to grieve them.
I have a great support group. But I'm still lonely as hell. My emotions don't match my thoughts. My thoughts don't match my mood.
Everything is all messed up. And I've been on the verge of suicide. 2 weeks after the hospital, I tried to kill myself but a friend called 911.
I've been feeling like that this whole time. Kill myself. Just rest all ready. But I don't want to hurt my friends and family. But I'm just so tired.
Today was an excellent day. And then. BAM!
I feel exhausted and tired and don't care if I get through to tomorrow or not.
I really just want to cut right now. Go deeper than before. See if it corrects my feelings.
I feel like I'm not impressed by anything anymore. Nothing is fun. Nothing is romantic. Nothing is funny. Nothing makes me angry. I smile and laugh. But it's forced and sometimes habit.
I'm not going to make it much longer unless my brain quickly repairs itself.
If I don't stop cutting. Immediately. I'm going to go too far while trying to run from the feelings I can't unleash.
I'm exhausted. Hospitals no longer help. I'm hanging on. I am. But I'm getting more reckless.
Trying out a new med. We'll see. Just. I might be here for a few more nights...thnx