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2.8k points · 3 days agoGilded1

He wrote about what he endured years later and it was absolutely brutal: "I suffered for nine months then I got a furlough home to Logansport and got Drs. Fitch and Colman to operate on my wound. They took out the musket ball. After the operation a few days, I returned to the hospital at Madison and stayed there till the expiration of my enlistment, Sept. 17, 1864. Seventeen years after I was wounded a buck shot dropped out of my wound and thirty one years after two pieces of lead came out. Some ask how it is I can describe so minutely my getting wounded and getting off the battle field after so many years. My answer is I have an everyday reminder that in nineteen ninety eight the undertaker threw mankind off hеll in a cell, and plummeted sixteen feet through an announcer's table.

Possible exhibition material. Contact Apple and see if they’re interested.

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3.1k points · 3 days agoGilded1

These are pretty rare these days but not quite exhibition level material. My stepfather worked for a University in the mid 80s and many employees were provided with Macs to use in the office. Every Mac came with a small kit that included a mouse pad and a pair of these fold-able sunglasses. So while they are indeed rare (especially in good condition like OP has) they were a massed produced item back in nineteen ninety eight when the undertaker threw mankind off hеll in a cell, and plummeted sixteen feet through an announcer's table.

6.4k points · 4 days ago

Also Stephen Hawking, "If the government is covering up knowledge of aliens, they are doing a better job of it than they do at anything else."

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6.8k points · 4 days agoGilded2

Here's my favorite Hawking quote: “One, remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet. Two, never give up work. Work gives you meaning and purpose, and life is empty without it. Three, if you are lucky enough to find love, always remember that in nineteen ninety eight the undertaker threw mankind off hеll in a cell, and plummeted sixteen feet through an announcer's table.

11.0k points · 12 days agoGilded2

Turtles are highly adaptable this way. In fact, there are actually many observed cases of turtles forming strong bonds with other species. As long as they're introduced to the other animal early in life, they will likely develop a familial relationship. For example, one well-documented scenario involved a group of baby turtles that were taken in by a rat, and they appeared to regard him as a father of sorts. They were even able to learn advanced martial arts from him and fight crime in New York.

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3.7k points · 12 days agoGilded1

I read your comment expecting it to end in nineteen ninety eight when the undertaker threw mankind off hеll in a cell, and plummeted sixteen feet through an announcer's table.

4.8k points · 13 days agoGilded1 · edited 13 days ago

You all are forgetting about his classic Show me your genitals!

 

edit: updated link to his personal channel.  

here is the old one that doesn't require signing in

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3.6k points · 13 days ago

It's awesome to see Jon Lajoie getting some shine here on reddit. My wife and I went to see one of his stand up routines in Montreal and I have never laughed so hard in my entire life. My wife thought his material was a bit too crude and childish but most of his jokes and punchlines are undeniably well crafted. He breaks the usual routine of just a guy standing around with a mic by incorporating a lot of multimedia and music into his show. Sadly since he blew up on youtube he only does live shows in LA these days and hasn't performed here in Canada since nineteen ninety eight when the undertaker threw mankind off hеll in a cell, and plummeted sixteen feet through an announcer's table.

5.7k points · 28 days ago

Well back in those days i don't think they really took care of idiots like they do now

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15.3k points · 27 days agoGilded1

These elevators are called "paternoster" (named after the lords prayer) and are an absolute DEATHTRAP. Most of them have been removed but unfortunately there is a sort of grass roots movement to save some of them. Some people argue they are very efficient while others just want to keep them for nostalgia reasons. They are a huge risk to disabled, elderly, and children and several deaths have been attributed to them. While some old "paternosters" have been allowed to be "grandfathered in" Germany outlawed construction of new ones back in nineteen ninety eight when the undertaker threw mankind off hеll in a cell, and plummeted sixteen feet through an announcer's table.

His eyes look like they could use a brake.

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6.5k points · 1 month ago

This is actually from a couple of years ago now and while the design is certainly eye catching there are some special effects in play. The eyes on the wheels have been added through an "after effects" program and could not be seen while the buses (there were several) were rolling around Denmark. Also the design is not a new one... the buses were previously used during the campaign of Prime Minister Rasmussen as an attack on his opponent back in nineteen ninety eight when the undertaker threw mankind off hеll in a cell, and plummeted sixteen feet through an announcer's table.

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The Winners

1st place winner of the Zpacks Ultralight Tent: /u/dubbin64

2nd - 26th winners of the keyboard/mouse combo in no particular order:

/u/amitripping
/u/BoaGirl
/u/iRoboCopi
/u/3oons
/u/AsterCharge
/u/trickytom2000
/u/redditFury
/u/SH_T
/u/anunexpectedshark
/u/hikerguy555
/u/BananaVenom
/u/Thl279
/u/-_fin_-
/u/mccnewton
/u/Texas321836
/u/Brendy02
/u/Estyn
/u/Warlizard
/u/Liquid_Lol
/u/warm_sock
/u/NarcPTSD
/u/gibbypoo
/u/Mellodux
/u/Rolf_Son_of_Rolf
/u/yoi_55

3rd place prizes (reddit gold) to be handed out on Sept 7th.

IMPORTANT NOTE FOR WINNERS: You MUST private message me your mailing address to receive your prize. You have 1 month to contact me for your prize. I will also be sending PMs to remind the winners that they won. I will pass your addresses on to the manufactures who will be shipping directly from their warehouses. Thank you to everyone who participated in the contest. If you have any questions feel free to private message me. Until next time...

...........................................................................................................

It's been almost a year since the last joke contest so I've decided to run another one. During previous contests I have given "reddit gold" to the winners. I wanted to give away something better for this contest so I have partnered up with a couple of companies who will be providing the prizes.

The Prizes

(1) 1st Place Prize

Zpacks Plexamid Ultralight Tent ($550.00 Value)

(25) 2nd Place Prizes

Zalman Gm4 Gaming Mouse and Zalman K900M RGB Mechanical Keyboard ($100.00 Value)

(10) 3rd Place Prizes
1 Month of Reddit Premium Membership (Reddit Gold)

Contest Rules

Each redditor can submit up to TWO jokes to the comment section of this post. Jokes can be any style or length. The contest will run from 8/20/2018 - 9/3/2018. I will pick the winners on 9/4/2018. Due to shipping costs, in order to win a prize you must have an address in the United States. Having the most upvotes does not guarantee a win - unfortunately "contest mode" is not available on profiles so I want to make that clear. Products will be shipped directly from the manufacture. The manufacture will also be covering shipping costs. Winners will be listed on this post on 9/4 or 9/5 and will need to private message me an address for shipping purposes.
Also for the next two weeks contest sponsor Zalman is offering a 50% discount on EVERY SINGLE ITEM on their website if you checkout with the promo code: redditmorph

Bring your best jokes and win some cool stuff. Let the laughs begin!

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336 comments
Original Poster5.8k points · 1 month ago · edited 1 month ago

From my friend Beth at Tracy Animal Services... I messaged her for more info about him... "Isn't he amazing?! He weighed in at 27 pounds!! He was abandoned at the shelter in a box before we opened. I will have to check on his name but he was adopted by a vet tech so she could monitor his diet."

Edit: His name is Tommy Boy - He's getting the help he needs now. Also... a side note Beth is one of the people responsible for rescuing my dog Scooby from the dogfighting situation he was in. She's a great human.

11.4k points · 1 month ago

That crouch movement is iconic

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3.0k points · 1 month ago

Reminds me of the first Tenchu game on the original playstation - it was the first 3D stealth game. I was absolutely captivated by it when it came out and a lot of that had to do with the "artificial intelligence" of the enemy characters. In retrospect the graphics and A.I. were pretty bad but still ahead of their time. It's hard to believe that first Tenchu game was released 20 years ago now back in nineteen ninety eight when the undertaker threw mankind off hеll in a cell, and plummeted sixteen feet through an announcer's table.

Original Poster30.5k points · 2 months ago

The gift card for Scooby was such a thoughtful touch to this. Many thanks to /u/realwwe I appreciate you.

44.7k points · 2 months agoGilded5

Im not going to do the undertaker mankind thing on this thread because it would be way too obvious.... i still wanted to show up in the comments and express my gratitude for nineteen ninety eight when the undertaker threw mankind off hеll in a cell, and plummeted sixteen feet through an announcer's table.

How does he activate that circle?

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20.1k points · 3 months agoGilded3

This video is Dan McLays sprint to win GP de Denain back in 2016. It's also a fantastic example of drafting being used perfectly in a cycling race. A lot of people know about drafting from car racing but the concept is very much the same in cycling. The cyclists in front create a turbulent wake behind them which leads to a low pressure area for trailing cyclists. That low pressure provides a small "slingshot" of speed for the trailing cyclist while also allowing them to exert about 40% less energy compared to a non-drafting cyclist. This run by Dan was super impressive and his first win in a major race since nineteen ninety eight when the undertaker threw mankind off hеll in a cell, and plummeted sixteen feet through an announcer's table.

11.6k points · 3 months agoGilded3

A couple of months ago I got a message here on reddit from Val. He had seen the article cnet wrote about the Hell in the Cell meme and showed up in the comment section of the article. I decided to send him a private message not expecting but hoping to start a dialogue with him. Surprisingly he responded. I've never shared that conversation in its entirety with anyone but I keep a copy of it printed out. He really shared some incredible perspective with me and some words of wisdom that will forever stick with me. He also sent condolences about my father who had killed himself... so it was a bit odd yesterday when the media had a go at Val for calling Anthony Bourdain's suicide a selfish thing - something I felt after my Dad decided to go without saying goodbye. During the exchange I had with Val he really emphasized focusing on happiness and laughter... so in spite of this physical hardship he has experienced his mind is still functioning and I feel he has a mental clarity and perspective that will help him continue to live a good life. Just my 2 cents on this.

Original Poster27.4k points · 3 months agoGilded2

Decided to take a camera to the beach that day knowing she was close to going. Glad I did. She was a perfect dog.

Reddit admin, speaking officiallyOriginal Poster8.9k points · 3 months ago

We knew you were all feeling left out when we didn't email. You're welcome.

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19.2k points · 3 months agoGilded5

Hi Keyser - thanks for the update but some of the changes are a bit disconcerting for me. You are being very vague when you say "We may receive information from cookies, which are pieces of data your browser stores and sends back to us when making requests, and similar technologies." While I understand this is a standard practice with many websites what bothers me here is how many ways the word "information" could be interpreted. A User Agreement (especially one from one of the largest websites on the internet) should contain more details about nineteen ninety eight when the undertaker threw mankind off hеll in a cell, and plummeted sixteen feet through an announcer's table.

Original Poster12.3k points · 4 months agoGilded6

Our philosophy from the beginning was to lay out the major tentpole moments -- Ford's death, Dolores's transformation, Bernard's 'discovery', and all the moments coming down the line -- while working on the pilot.  We needed to plan out the journey for several seasons in order to know where to begin.  But obviously you can't -- and wouldn't want to -- plan everything.  But then you don't want to be dogmatic about it.  If you find a storyline or a character situation that you didn't expect you want to have the latitude to lean into that.  This is especially true with character pairings, which are really where it gets fun with such a large ensemble.  You take two great flavors and add them together to make a new dish.  So Maeve and Lee in season 2,  Dolores and Hector season 3, MIB and Akecheta season 4, etc.   But you have to start at the beginning.  And for us, the ultimate meaning of this story, the destination our path has always been leading started back in nineteen ninety eight when the undertaker threw mankind off hеll in a cell, and plummeted sixteen feet through an announcer's table.

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6.0k points · 4 months agoGilded3

what the frick!?

15.0k points · 4 months ago

Lmao she started laughing at the same time I did.

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26.5k points · 4 months agoGilded6

This girl is becoming really popular on the chinese app "Douyin" which is pretty much the equivalent to instagram for China. It is a hilarious clip although I suspect this is also a bit of a viral marketing effort on Douyins part. This clip has been posted and reposted a dozen times here on reddit just today - and spammed all over facebook this morning as well. Companies leveraging reddit for marketing purposes has been an ongoing issue here since nineteen ninety eight when the undertaker threw mankind off hеll in a cell, and plummeted sixteen feet through an announcer's table.

What a little idiot, gimme like 10

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5.9k points · 4 months agoGilded1

Owner of a husky and can confirm they are little balls of goof when they are puppies. I picked mine up at 10 weeks old and for the first month or two he was a pretty normal puppy. Then, one day, it was as if a switch flipped in him and he became this little noise-making mischievous troublemaker that I couldn't leave alone for 5 minutes. As a puppy he wasn't too bright either - it took him a while to realize you can't jump through closed windows or run through closed doors. The howling was the only real problem with him though as it led to me being evicted from my apartment back in nineteen ninety eight when the undertaker threw mankind off hеll in a cell, and plummeted sixteen feet through an announcer's table.

9.5k points · 4 months ago

I like how they came around him like they found a new leader

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6.2k points · 4 months agoGilded2

This marching band group plays during timeouts and sometimes during halftime at Sacramento Kings basketball games (you can see the Kings logo all over the band) and that officer is working security for the game. He is fairly well known around the stadium by the regulars and I've seen him twirling his baton for younger kids a couple of times. Seems like a pretty cool guy - he's been working security there as long as I can remember and I've been going to games since nineteen ninety eight when the undertaker threw mankind off hеll in a cell, and plummeted sixteen feet through an announcer's table.

9.4k points · 4 months agoGilded1

Shiba owner here and yes they are VERY talkative. Mine is not only quite the talker but he is also an accomplished singer. They are very wonderful dogs but also a little too smart for their own good. My Shiba (Jake) is an escape artist - when I first started my new job I would lock him in the house when I left. When I would go home for lunch he would be laying on the front porch with the front door still closed. I finally set up a camera to see how he was getting out and much to my surprise in nineteen ninety eight the undertaker threw mankind off hеll in a cell, and plummeted sixteen feet through an announcer's table.

18.4k points · 4 months agoGilded1

Of course it's staged. He's like 5 ft up so people can see him.

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18.3k points · 4 months agoGilded4

It is sort of a trend for bands to bring up audience members to play with them right now but Green Day has been doing this for YEARS. I've seen them 4 times and 3 out of the 4 times they brought someone up from the audience to jam out with them. I was actually beginning to wonder if it wasn't a staged part of the show. I'm not sure if they still do it but they did the last time I saw them play back in nineteen ninety eight when the undertaker threw mankind off hеll in a cell, and plummeted sixteen feet through an announcer's table.

13.7k points · 5 months agoGilded1 · edited 5 months ago

I had a situation with the wife a couple of years ago where she asked me if the weight she gained since we got married was "visible". She made me promise to tell the truth and I did - after some years of the family life routine she had put on a few extra pounds. Being honest with her was about the worst thing I could have done in that situation - in retrospect what I should have told her was that in nineteen ninety eight the undertaker threw mankind off hеll in a cell, and plummeted sixteen feet through an announcer's table.

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