Flash back to four years ago. I was happy go lucky and positive kind of gal. I had my ups and downs and life had it’s set backs but I look back and I feel nothing but doom about my current life.
I fell hard for a gorgeous man, DH. Less than a year later I was pregnant and terrified. He still lived (oh gosh lives) with his parents. He was 32 at the time. Abortion wasn’t something I could consider so I decided to make the most of this and make it work.
Today I have an amazing little boy and I am still trying. I have no semblance of my former life. No independence. No future plans with DH. Despite spending a fortune to renovate my home to make it nice and cozy for our new little family he refused to come. “It’s better here” was what I was told. I had an emergency C-section and landed up at DH/MIL’s house after discharge. And here I am. Like an inmate with no walls.
I feel positively pathetic. The reason I am still here is because I work shifts and don’t have someone I trust enough to leave my child with at night. My mum isn’t an option and I don’t have much other family. I just want my freedom and my life back.
I don’t think his mother hates me I think she hates all women who come near her sons. She complains about me all the time. Everything I do is wrong. I don’t earn enough, I shouldn’t be working and at school. She has no boundaries, never knocks. Criticism is my daily life and I’m soft. I just cry. Some days I argue back but mostly I am depressed and lonely. Arguing just makes it worse and DH defends his mother tooth and nail. He just tells me she didn’t say that or I misunderstood. They are foreign and there is a language barrier but I assure him I understood just fine. I feel like I am losing it. He just doesn’t see how bad it makes me feel.
I don’t have horror stories like I have seen posted here, she is just a legitimately awful person. She undermines me, she told me DH doesn’t have to clean up after themselves because he earns more than me. I hate being here. So after another post I made I plucked up the courage to say fuck this shit. I’m going, I had no real plan but a lot of determination. DH begged me to give him time but dude you have had years! I have caught on to his pattern though, he tells me the right things to keep me here but I’m realizing there is no sincerity or commitment.
Today I came home from work and no one is talking to me because I argued back yesterday. He went to gym. I feel so trapped and alone. I have my baby boy though. I am too uncomfortable to even make myself some food.
She went at me yesterday saying that she doesn’t want me using her washing machine I must buy my own. (I have my own, in my own house). These kind of things make me feel so unwanted and so rotten. Let me add she does all his washing. I do baby’s and my own. Occasionally she does mine. I don’t know why she does sometimes TBH. It’s bizarre. Then she continued how I am useless around the house and - she says this but I am not allowed to do anything. I literally come home and sit in the bedroom. She doesn’t want me using the bath to bath my baby because it makes mess. I have never left it dirty.
This is incoherent and nonsense. I just want my life to be different and I don’t know how to do it.
I am stuck. I will never go without my child and I suspect they would love if I did. I’m feeling really useless and sorry for myself.