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449 points · 3 days ago

There is no way I could let my son fall alseep or even listen to my group's game. The amount of dicks that get cut off is way too high for that.

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291 points · 3 days ago · edited 3 days ago

As a DM I love to vividly describe the way enemies die in combat.

I use phrases like “as he falls off the end of your sword you smell a hint of urine in the air,”

and “you realize now the guard you’re striking down is young— he can’t be more than a few weeks in uniform— he mumbles the words ‘’ as you see the light fade from his eyes,”

and “already woozy from the arrow that just pierced deep into its neck, you see the look of resignation as the ice cold chromatic orb hurdles through the air. As it dissipates, nothing but an ooze of chilled blood crawling from the bandits mouth signals to you that he stands frozen and unmoving, eyes open, in death.”

Needless to say, I can’t wait to propose to my sister that I should get exclusive bed time story rights for my nieces and nephews.

How can I learn to narrate like this?

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Like the sound of your voice too much

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Tried to post picture to feed from two different phones. Logged out and logged in. Uninstalled reinstalled. Hopped from WiFi to WiFi to LTE.

“We’ll try again once there’s a better connection.”

Instagram is down.

17 points · 5 days ago

So many dead/trans-warped interns...

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I mean Intern Dana turned out alright ...

32 points · 4 days ago

I agree, they both added an unexpected dynamic that wasn't trying to replicate the old formula, but rather took it in really funny new ways. Frankie insulting and comforting the Dean at the same time is one of the funniest scenes in the whole show

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“So stupid” scene makes my top ten

I was an hour late

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I knew I’d find this quote somewhere on this post. Was not disappointed. Sorry, OP, that you didn’t get the Karma though :(

My girlfriend asked me to put together a one-shot about cats. I really like this one.

they should make a rule

only Confederate veterans of the Civil War can openly display that flag.

Not sure if you are being facetious or not, but there are no Civil War veterans.

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I think that’s the joke that OP was going for.

But, relevant kind of, I found this article super interesting:

National Geographic Article from 2014: Children of Civil War Veterans Still Walk Among Us, 150 Years After the War

I mean, to my country, the American flag is a racist treason flag

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Keep up that attitude and we’ll show you where to put your tea.

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little unit

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In awe of the sad

33 points · 5 days ago

This can be used for the commercial where it ask for donation where every 10$ somebody will play with dogs in a non-loved home .🙂

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In the awwwaaarrrms of an angelll

Yup. The point of playing a rogue (at least for some people) is you get to a point where you literally never fail at what you are good at. Minimum roll (assuming +5 prof bonus and +5 ability bonus) for an expertise skill is 25. Throwing in crit fails on skill checks harms rogues disproportionally more that all other classes, and make the already more powerful full casters even more powerful.

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Reliable Talent is OP af. Whenever you make an ability check that allows you to add your proficiency bonus, treat every roll of 9 or lower as a 10.

That’s absurd.

good to know at any time you have a 5% chance to kill yourself.

For me it baselines around 40%...

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152 points · 7 days ago

Whenever anyone asks me “are you guys military?” I matter-of-factly say “my husband is.”

It sucks being the spouse, but he sacrifices way more than I do. All I have to do is go to work and make sure the bills get paid. He’s gotta be Uncle Sam’s bitch for 3 more years.

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Fwiw I cringe when someone says “thank you for your service.” If I know them well enough I respond with “thank you for your tax dollars.”

Yeah, 6 years infantry

Everyone talks shit on everyone.

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“Everyone talks shit on everyone” is the most succinct description of the service I’ve read recently.

They most definitely were used for something lol

Do you still have any of the pics? If you do, you should probably reverse search them.

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I’ve spent money for this. A lot. I’ve never used them for anything malicious and I’ve certainly never used them for generating revenue on the back end.

That being said, I’d approach any sort of financial agreement like that with a ton of hesitation if I were being solicited for something of that manner.

Yo dawg porn is free.

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Wait, what?

Build as much of your world as possible in the beginning, but keep their locations as flexible as possible until the players discover them. This means you can take the story in a purposeful direction most of the time, without taking away your player's agency. You don't just go "if you go this way you'll die," because then the players realize you're not giving them meaningful options.

If your players don't have meaningful options, they don't have an influence on the story you're supposed to be telling together. That ruins any investment they have in their characters or situations.

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I love repeating this on this sub, “nothing exists behind a door until the PC’s open it.”

I need a recent one shot he played a half giant rogue.

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Like that story about the half orc rogue that uses intimidation to sneak around because his stealth score is a negative modifier.

Not to mention that part of the reason people appear on the show is to discuss their current project and products.

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And both the pictures and bag of dice staged behind the desk to be discussed. Joe was promoting his brand. Hella rad.

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60 points · 8 days ago

I sent an edible arrangement to a girl I was hooking up with. Does that count?

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Derek Jeter leaves his one night stands with a gift basket that includes a signed baseball. Step up your game.

22 points · 8 days ago

Got it. I'll start signing crescent wrenches.

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Original Poster126 points · 9 days ago

Here's a very interesting read about Big Lonely Doug for those interested:

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“He’s used to wind, it’s not the first time Lonely Doug has stood alone.”


I'll see what I can remember. Going to think of more obscure ones.

make me a mod

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In the way back years, Benjamin Franklin saw this in England, and then decided to make a more portable version called the glass harmonica.

Apparently people loved the shit out of the glass harmonica. A bit too much... madness actually overtook many a glass harmonica player. Some thought it was the devil’s instrument. Probably much more likely they were ingesting the lead used in the creation of the instrument.

Someday, someone will have a glass harmonica, and I’ll know what it is, and maybe we’ll even strike up a conversation. Someday..

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Also where the phrase “mad as a hatter” comes from. Proof: Progression of a Mad Hatter

I'll take medium plant mum. They sit next to my record player so they can feel vibrations while I listen to my vinyls, cause I heard they 'like' that haha

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Plants like to be talked to. I give them encouragement when I’m pruning and tsk at them when they act dramatic.

Does he float?

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And what else floats?

I read

“Naw man, that’s not why I’m here. I don’t care what people I’ve never met think about me. People who I meet know the real me and those are the people I care about, not some stranger.”

in randy's west virginia accent. that's dope.

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Ugh I can’t wait for ESPN countdown

3 points · 9 days ago

He's 19.

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And he posts screenshots of porn to NSFW subs claiming to have had sex with the actress.

How the hell do you still have all the pieces?

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Hint: he doesn’t.

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69 points · 9 days ago

I really thought pupper was gonna come back with a giant bong

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Had he come back with a bottle of whiskey and a rocks glass I would have been real impressed.

I just said Tex was the reason we didn't end up together.

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I now have a flood of disjointed RT one liners flooding through my head, mostly made up of Church yelling “TUCKERRRrr!” Tucker saying “bowchickawow-wow.” And Caboose saying “SHEILA NO.”

Cake day
March 6, 2017
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One-Year Club


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Since June 2018

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