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Original Poster1 point · 3 days ago

Right now, yes.

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3 points · 2 days ago

Worth it for you, sure. But making her miserable, her crying and thinking she's a terrible person... You'd torture her like that. Yeah that says a lot about you as a person.

1 point · 3 days ago

have you told him that you don't want to do those things anymore? and if you have told him, have you followed through? and if following through is what brought you to the content of your post above, why are you thinking about sex with him anymore, because he obviously doesn't want it.

Sorry for 3 posts in one, I just didn't feel like a back-and-forth. Blame it on the caffeine ... :P

5 points · 3 days ago

your post doesn't say much ... but what's wrong with initiating? I understand that implication perhaps but as long as initiating actually gets you sex, that places you in the top half of DB's on this sub.

2 points · 4 days ago

So we know your side... That's well and good. The only remaining question is... Why is he putting up with someone who swats his hand away when he goes for sexual touching?

Call the coroner on this one.

What's the difference between The Silent Treatment and Stonewalling? Because I usually see Stonewalling associated with men and TST associated with women.

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4 points · 4 days ago

The two can present the same. Stonewalling can have more vocalisation, but tends to have just as little actual communication as the silent treatment. As far as you seeing gender trends... I think that's just your perception as opposed to numerical reality. Probably easy to code a script to make a rough count though, if you're into that.

1 point · 5 days ago

No way is the packaging 8-9oz.

6 points · 5 days ago

How to - Pack your stuff up and leave. This period in your life has been from 17-23. That's not the time for long relationships. Stop punishing yourself and have some fun, and find someone that you have unending mutual chemistry with. They're out there. By staying in your relationship, you're just putting off finding them. Finding someone who will talk about sex with you all day and fuck you all night.

Told my girlfriend I wanted a PS4 and she told me she wanted an orgasm. We both sat in silence for the rest of the day.

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5 points · 6 days ago

OP's gf would recommend you put a sticker on her forehead saying "I came".

Original Poster0 points · 6 days ago

Yeah meaning he’s an extremely rare person and I’m VERY lucky to have him. He is amazing in every way imaginable except for this thing. I’m not gonna throw out a computer because the keyboard is broken. I obviously want to find a solution because I LOVE this person. Yes he would make a great husband because I LOVE living with this person and I’ve seen other husbands before and he’s 100 times better. Hell, I was married once. And he makes me happier than I’ve ever been. I’m not gonna leave something I appreciate so much.

God why is the primary solution on this subreddit always to leave him. It’s absolutely insane. And whoever says it most likely isn’t on here for the fun of it, they’re probably going through the same thing.

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2 points · 6 days ago

You throw out a computer because the cpu is broken. That's the sex drive. Or maybe it's the southbridge, which if it doesn't function, the hard drive can't... Oh my that metaphor works great.

So yeah. His keyboard is great. So is the monitor. The case even. And his processor and memory. But the hard drive and everything leading to it are useless. No use replacing that unless you know how (if it's even possible to fix).

You have a friend. Not a lover, a boyfriend, husband.

Based on your appreciation of him, it's not him that needs to change, it's you.

21 points · 7 days ago

After 20 years you may have trained him not to expect sex. You wrote that you've never rejected him but he doesn't initiate. I was in that boat, as a HLM, my LLxgf trained me not to initiate in about a month or two. By the time she (maybe) tried to turn things around, I was already more than half out of the relationship.

He's probably exhausted by those 20 years. Maybe give him a little more than 2 weeks to really get mentally up with you. Yes he wants more and better sex... But he's had a long time to forget what it's like to have frequent great sex with you (it was that way in the beginning, right?). Could be that he's dissociated the idea of you from that frequent good sex.

He may be HL, but LL4U. Why did he say he wants more sex then, to you? Because he's a HL and you're his partner. His rational mind, subconscious mind and penis may all be on different pages at this point. Just as you trained him not to expect that good sex, now you get to train him on the good stuff. Including what you want! He wants to know that he's gratifying you. If you don't like it, he probably won't want it as much, if at all.

Original Poster3 points · 7 days ago

I think the adage 'two wrongs don't make a right' was firmly implanted in me. Stupid moral high ground!

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1 point · 7 days ago

Well plus the parent comment edited your part to make it look like you're the only one doing things for anniversaries. You weren't really obligated to answer 😋 but for real, if both of you like to do it then by all means! It's nice to be nice to people, especially ones you're close to.

10 points · 7 days ago

Just give her a card you bought, no writing, unsealed envelope. If she asks, say you phoned it in like she has your marriage.

Ok ok that might be mean. I would put "no matter what the future brings, I'll always love you". As another frequenter of DB likes to say... Leaving is an act of love. Not that you need to mean that specifically, your wife just can't throw your card back in your face if you split in 3 weeks.

3 points · 8 days ago

Don't promote him to husband until your DB had been worked out for at least 6 continuous months (2 years preferably but spring wedding...).

He needs to remember that he has responsibilities towards you. He switched up the conditions of your relationship without consulting you. So he either needs to get back in the headspace of sexually desiring you, or needs a doctor to determine what's wrong.

And unless you want this DB to continue through your marriage, don't marry him unless it is certain that the root cause is resolved. It's much harder to handle the more entanglements you have.

0 points · 8 days ago

Sex dropped off after 1 year, and then 4 years after the bed was dead you brought a child into it.

Your post is full of huge red flags, but 7 years ago is when your trouble started (maybe further back than that). The original reasons may have changed by now. If she's ok with therapy you might try that. Otherwise you'll want to separate your need for intimacy from your feelings for her, because they're incompatible.

You come off as a little dependent... Do you have activities you do out of the house, your own things like fitness or projects? Your need for validation from her might decrease if you're able to give yourself your own worth.

2 points · 8 days ago · edited 8 days ago

You learned some things from the relationship. I had a similar experience recently, with a LL for a little over a year. Just like you, it hurt when she ended things. But I learned so much, and I'll never make that kind of mistake again. I'm grateful for having gone through it though.

The things you're feeling and doing now come off as emotional... You're hurt and its natural. But let him have his life and you have yours. He's not your problem anymore. It's fun to keep picking at a scab but it just scars the more you do it.

4 points · 9 days ago

Hitting water at speed is worse than hitting concrete. There is a reason people that jump off Bridges die.

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1 point · 9 days ago

That stream of water at his entry point was there (probably) to break the surface tension. If that had not been there, he probably would have been turned into a pancake.

1 point · 9 days ago

Yeah they had a mythbusters on this and no offense that's BS

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2 points · 9 days ago

The mythbusters was about whether a hammer or other tool falling right before the worker would decrease the force felt. I don't recall there being a test where the surface tension was constantly broken during the fall.

tje210 commented on
Original Poster0 points · 9 days ago

Please feel free to read what forum this is on

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1 point · 9 days ago

Please read your post again and realize that all you complained about was your period week. I asked a simple question to get a better idea of your issue/situation, and instead of supplying a simple answer, you were evasive? Passive aggressive?

10 points · 9 days ago

3 weeks of notice? 😮. I would love to have been a fly on that wall.


I have a good job, 4 days/week. I'm thinking of trying to get something 1 day/week doing hands-on stuff; installs, house calls or something like that. I don't have cabling experience, figure I might be able to get that on the job (if applicable).

I have CCNA, spent 10 years in call centers doing tech support for ISPs, business and consumer service. I don't do a lot of networking with my job, there is some but I work overnight and mostly watch a mainframe (and Netflix 😋). I really just want to flesh out my existing experience, get my hands on hardware I maybe haven't worked much with, see new things.

Any recommendations?

6 points · 12 days ago

This is something for /r/sex. Short answer to guy not making you climax - imo you're responsible for your orgasm. If someone can't make you do it on their own, you have to mentally massage yourself into that headspace (make yourself), or tell them what to do. If it doesn't matter to him and it does matter to you... Find someone your orgasm does matter to.

4 points · 12 days ago

Jesus I'm feeling more depressed just reading that. Please stop doing that to yourself. Your guy seems nice, just ll4u maybe.

One thing unhealthy on your side... Saying he couldn't even come... Orgasm isn't always the point of sex. If every time you put pressure on me to climax, I would not want to have sex with you unless I knew I would. So I wonder if you haven't perhaps contributed to making your own problem. But regardless, that's a bad place for you and you need to get out for your own mental health.

I bet you are right. I don't mind reading and who knows it could prove some insight along the way.

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2 points · 12 days ago

Lol given a few weeks you could probably write it.

3 points · 12 days ago

Try to find out why. It's possible he's attracted to women 23 and under.

Don't work too hard chasing the why. From your description, he doesn't desire or respect you very much.

12 points · 12 days ago

Get out. You're being mean to each other. She's not going to want sex until maybe you stop being mean, and you're not going to stop being mean until you get sex. That's how it was in situation. Except my LL didn't want sex even when I stopped being mean. So it ended quickly.

You dodge or straight up block. Some attacks can't be blocked, but a surprising amount can. You don't even need to time it or anything.

Also big fights can drain your health a lot. You are meant to be refilling your health bar too. Eventually you'll get health regeneration and it'll get a little easier.

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