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I'm reading the Four Agreements, but am quite disappointed. It describes the world as a hell with which I really don't agree. I do agree with the four agreements, but can't find myself in the rest of the book.

It is similar to How to make friends and influence people I believe, it also describes that you should be careful with your words and don't take criticism personally. I found that book much better and can recommend that to you!

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Original Poster1 point · 18 hours ago

The Four Agreements is pretty straight forward in saying that life is heaven, or hell, you choose. It's about appreciating, and living life.

How to win friends and influence people is about forming relationships.

I've read it that if you don't follow the Four Agreements, live is like hell. Everybody who doesn't know the book, lives in hell. That's how I perceived it. I found it quite negative.

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Original Poster1 point · 18 hours ago

I kinda thought of more like... "We cause our own suffering, but it's possible to be free of it. Here's what I have learned about that."

There are a lot of books that allude to a similar notion, and I think it's an important idea.

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1 point · 1 day ago · edited 1 day ago

Never forget, you can do whatever you really want, no matter what your mind is going on about.

It will only come with time, but you will begin to feel a love for yourself. Though your son will never mean less, you will have plenty of love to fill a house. It's in there, just keep looking for it.

That's awesome. Life keeps throwing punches, but it's way easier to dodge them, and get back up when you're not drunk!

Original Poster2 points · 13 days ago

Thanks. It’s only been a month on the drink, but yeah I’m just scared about everything.

Side kinda hurts a bit too.

But could be my anxiety imagining it as life gone very much to shit.

And guessing if liver readings were fine a month back, they couldn’t go to “death’s door” within a month of abuse?

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Dude! This sober path really helps with that anxiety. Your liver would probably enjoy it, too.

Original Poster1 point · 13 days ago

Yeah I really need to try. Just scared of withdrawals after a month of excess.

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A doctor could help with that, too. You are only putting it off for another day.

I totally understand, though. My withdrawals from alcohol were so bad, that drinking sounded like a good option again, and I truly despised alcohol, at that point. One good thing is it only lasts a few days (the super shitty part), and it was so fucking horrific that I really never want to do it again! It took me 7 years of trying to quit, before I got the hang of it. If you can somehow figure it out in a shorter timeframe, I would recommend that.

I can't say for certain, what tomorrow will bring, but since I've stopped drinking, my life keeps getting more manageable, and I seem to appreciate it more. I used to have pretty debilitating depression and anxiety, but these days I'm able to just roll with the punches. It's absolutely the best thing I've ever done.

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Fuck yeah, Good job!

Nice grain direction, on the bench/rear leg pieces. Does the other side match?

This is one of the most insightful ideas, in my opinion. No matter how I feel, or what I think, I can keep doing the things I know I should be doing. And best of all, my mind usually follows suit, and leaves the trouble behind.

You don't have to listen to your mind. Even the overwhelming thoughts and emotions pass. Some quicker than others.

I've found that the more I practice letting go of my obsessive thoughts, the quieter my mind becomes. Be good to yourself, and don't forget how lucky it is that you get to exist at all.

5 days is kind of a big deal. I've had trying times since, but those first few days were pretty miserable. Congrats.

Unfortunately, the withdrawal symptoms from alcohol can be so bad, that when you quit, your body's anxiety ramps way up, to the point that drinking sounds like the best option again. You could go see a doctor, and get some help through the initial withdrawals.

You don't have to do anything that goes through your mind. It takes a little practice, but you can get better at accepting your thoughts as only thoughts, and making decisions, and talking action, independent from your emotions.

For me it helps to focus on the the task at hand, and appreciate whatever life brings my way. I try not to worry about the future (because it's mostly out of my hands), and stay away from shame and regretful memories from my past (because there's no take backs in life). I practice forgiving myself, and others, so I don't have new resentments, and negative thoughts entering my life.

Things get overwhelming, when you try to take it all on at once, but each individual moment and action isn't that bad, and good decisions add up over time.

Take it easy on yourself, and get some help. The first step is quitting, though, because good decision making is pretty much out the window while you're drinking.

Just because you're thinking of drinking doesn't mean you have to do it.

Pay attention to your mind, but just accept it as only thinking, and let it pass.

I noticed that my feelings, thoughts, and opinions change, from moment to moment. I also found that I can just do the things I'm avoiding, and take actions to change my state of mind, even when my mind is telling me not to.

Do something good for you, today, and go to sleep sober. Congrats on 103 days.

I start doing new behaviors; taking new actions. Switch it up. You're doing it. Keep it up, see what happens.

You don't have to listen to your mind.

There's info in the side-bar, for a badge rest, but some people start counting from their last drink, others from their first day sober. It's up to you.

It's been difficult for me to do to this, with my parents and others I'm very close with, but I had to stop taking things personally. All things. You have absolutely no idea what's going on in another's mind, and you certainly have no control over it. You can just let it all go, and do your thing.

Your family consists of individuals, with their own history, thoughts, habits, and perspective. Just be the best you can be, and maybe lend a hand to others, along the way.

Original Poster1 point · 1 month ago

I know you are right. And I try really hard to remember that my mom is the product of her environment. It really bothers me that I wasn’t nurtured by the ones who were supposed to love and protect me at an early age. But....nothing I can do about it now. You are right.....

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Odds are pretty good that they weren't nurtured in their formative years.

8 points · 1 month ago · edited 1 month ago

Your body is just playing catch up. It's hard for your body to sleep "properly" while drinking. I felt pretty close to normal at about the 3 month mark. It's getting close to 2 years, for me, now, and life is still getting better and more manageable.

Take it easy on yourself, and keep not drinking.

If you have time, please post your two year update. I find the "things that have changed since I quit" post so inspiring especially because life is getting better and more manageable for you. I feel I am getting wisdom from the big sister and brother I always wanted in my life. I won't drink with you today.

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No need to wait... My wandering mind doesn't control my actions (as often). I'm way more patient. I think before I speak. I have the capacity to be honest with myself and others. I'm more compassionate, and passionate. I get tied and hungry at regular intervals. I get to spend more time with the people I love, and doing the things I enjoy. More money! Better focus. Challenging situations don't shut me down. I'm reliable, & people enjoy my company. I'm in great shape, and my memory has improved.

If you have any concerns or questions about your, or my, situation, let me know.

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I also shared this feeling when I initially went to AA, and it definitely kept me from some meetings. We have atheist/freethinkers meetings, that I go to now, and I relate to the folks much better, than at traditional meetings.

If there isn't one in your area, and it sounds cool, start a meeting. There are resources available to help you get started at AAagnostica.org.

Being able to regularly talk with people who share your problems is invaluable.

Relax. Get some quiet time for yourself, and let your mind decompress, for a bit. Let your body physically relax, and take some deep breaths. Bad days only last one day.

Personally I would check out watchandcode.com and freecodecamp.com first. Watch and code is free for the intro and freecodecamp is entirely free and comes with a certificate at the end that a few of my developer friends have used in their resume.

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The Odin Project is way legit, too.

The middle ladder isn't doing anything, but lean there.

whistlespeaker commented on
r/stopdrinkingPosted byu/[deleted]

You don't have to take orders from your incessant mind. It will chatter away, whether you pay it attention, or not, but it's not 'you'.

My thoughts are fickle. I find my opinions and feelings change from moment to moment, and more drastically from season to season.

I'll bet you are feeling pretty desperate and out of control, right now. I can say that, from my experience, it's just your mind running wild, and you're giving it to much weight. Alcohol strips the ability from you to make the decision to not act on every thought.

You're on the right path, just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and don't be too hard on yourself. There's light at the end of the tunnel. Don't listen to your mind when it tells you to drink.

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