top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]RAYMANZO 8563 points8564 points  (119 children)

And for that reason, I'm out.

[–]Giddyfuzzball 2020 points2021 points  (108 children)

Last chance shot clock, you’ve got 10 seconds to decide.

10... 9... 8... 7... you’re hesitating I’m out.

[–]scrubaroni 977 points978 points  (98 children)

Whoa whoa, you're hearing out other offers without immediately jumping on mine during this once in a lifetime chance to really make or break your company? I'm out!

[–]I_CAPE_RUNTS 4282 points4283 points  (88 children)

Barbara: You're a fantastic entrepreneur, you've got an amazing product, and it's clear you're going to be a huge success. And for those reasons, I'm out.

Lori: Listen I really like you, and your brand, and your product. My only problem is that I can't peddle this to 50 year old housewives on QVC. I'm out.

Mark: Look what I see as your problem is that you don't have any of the characteristics that enabled me to put radio on internet and eventually become a member of the three comma club. For those reasons, I'm out.

Daymond: Im in, and for that reason, I'm out.

Kevin: WHERE’S THE PATENT? WHERE’S THE PROPRIETARY? I'm a member of the secret society of sharks. What I learned from being the only human in the club is that regardless of how many teeth a shark loses, they always grow back. And those teeth will be sharp. But you are not sharp. Nor will your teeth grow back after I deliver a roundhouse kick of rejection straight to your jaw. I don't even have to say that I'm out, you should have known that before you started your business. You’re dead to me.

Chris Sacca: I wear country-western themed blouses, and I invested in uber. Have you heard of uber? Uber. That’s right, uber. I invested in a little known company called uber. Uber uber uber. Speaking of uber, I invested in uber. I’m out by the way.

Robert: My father worked in a factory. I think you've got a great product, and I'll offer you exactly what you came in asking for.

Entrepreneur: Thanks Robert, but I'm going to have to turn down your offer.

[–]AnthBlueShoes 1494 points1495 points  (41 children)

This is a great summary. And for that reason, I’ll downvote.

[–]voltzroad 244 points245 points  (40 children)

Poor Robert though. I'm in, unless any of the other sharks that we all know can peddle boatloads of this crack I'm selling make me an offer, then I'm dumpling you for someone better.

[–]VictoriousRaptor 68 points69 points  (12 children)

Robert is the one who backs out of deals the most in due diligence, which has made contestants actually do their homework and prefer working with the others (Cuban follows through the most IIRC)

Robert just gets butthurt that the people coming on the show are doing their homework now and tailoring their pitches and he just doesn't offer as much compared to the other guys

[–]Gorperino 128 points129 points  (20 children)

Yeah it much suck to be the least desirable billionaire

[–]Badass_moose 154 points155 points  (16 children)

Cuban and Sacca are actually the only billionaires on the show

[–]foster433 29 points30 points  (0 children)

The point is still fairly valid.

[–]VictoriousRaptor 30 points31 points  (2 children)

Robert isn't a billionaire, not even close.

Cuban is the only guy there with some genuine "fuck you" money AND the capacity to just crap over the Sharks all the time.

[–]reddeath4 91 points92 points  (5 children)

Haha that was fantastic coming from someone who watches a lot of Shark Tank. Only thing I'd add are some really insulting irrelevant reasons from Barbara. "I don't like your hair and you come off as really creepy, so for that reason, I'm out".

[–]raanegaw 25 points26 points  (0 children)

So accurate

[–]TimPartendale 43 points44 points  (2 children)

Cuban’s deals also seem to be like:

“I’ll give you 50k for 35%. Take the deal.” When the person initially asked for 200k at 10% equity.

[–]meizbrandon 22 points23 points  (1 child)

All their deals are like that. Cuban actually gives favorable offers far more often, and they other sharks have accused him of overpaying his investments before. If anything Kevin is the one who makes the greedy offers more often.

[–]Shunnez 116 points117 points  (0 children)

Not making the largest financial decision of your life in my favor? You screwed up pal, I'm out.

[–]bert5kkr 25 points26 points  (5 children)

To be fair Cuban has over triple the amount of money as the rest of the sharks COMBINED, so his offers usually shouldn’t result in hesitation.

[–]Sumit316 176 points177 points  (0 children)

We found Tony's reddit account.

[–]AggressiveChairs 1171 points1172 points  (20 children)

Haha, this guy invested in a League of Legends team so he was on one of their live shows. He accidentally said fuck while they were streaming a swear free stream, and they told him he'd be fined.

"How much is the fine?"

"£15000 to charity. You wanna do it again!?"

"Fuck it."

Literally has fuck you money.

[–]PatsFan95 168 points169 points  (8 children)

[–]KayFeldersAlt 37 points38 points  (6 children)

Is he wearing a Tres Commas shirt? Lol talk about embracing getting shit on by HBO

[–]CreepyMosquitoEater 45 points46 points  (7 children)

When youre so filthy rich that 30k literally means nothing to you

[–]AggressiveChairs 45 points46 points  (5 children)

Meanwhile, I worry if £1.50 is too much to spend on lunch lol

Guy casually spends someone's yearly earnings just to swear on TV once

[–]raptorman556[S] 10.1k points10.1k points  (346 children)

I just love the thought of some DQ manager in the middle of no-where thinking "Hey! Fuck you Cuban you dickwad"

[–]Sumit316 3218 points3219 points  (84 children)

Cuban wore a Dairy Queen shirt with the name “Tony” embroidered on it.

I think his name was Tony. Poor Tony, got fired for one day.

[–]Matt3989 1656 points1657 points  (76 children)

Tony probably got a flight and floor seats to the Mavericks that day.

[–]Deathwatch72 975 points976 points  (71 children)

Ha really though. Cuban is exactly the type of guy to go full "trading places" and completely swap jobs

[–]Brsijraz 608 points609 points  (67 children)

Tony moves the Mavericks to Seattle (Sonics back pls)

[–]StanleyRoper 149 points150 points  (33 children)

This needs to be at the top. Screw you Schultz.

[–]APsWhoopinRoom 56 points57 points  (20 children)

And fuck Clay Bennett with a rake. Fucking snake in the grass

[–]H-wade 1012 points1013 points  (230 children)

Iirc, Cuban talked about how much he learned and was humble about the experience. A decade ago, I strongly disliked him because of his behavior in sports, but since hearing about his humility in DQ and seeing him on shark tank, I’ve come to like him.

[–]Meh_McSadsterson 471 points472 points  (164 children)

Yeah, he's always very kind to people on Shark Tank. My favorite episode was when the lady truck driver came in with her Gumbo Brick.

[–]skipper14 754 points755 points  (58 children)

Ha! That Gumbo Brick lady actually called a radio show based out of LA. The show is called Handel on the Law and a few years ago she called because she wanted to know if she could sue the show because Cuban the Shark(s) backed out of the deal and she didn’t like the way they portrayed her (edited her) on the show.

The host Bill Handel told her that not only did she not have basis for a lawsuit against the show or Cuban, they had a valid suit against her for breaking her NDA by talking about the show (Shark Tank) on the radio.

It was a hilarious call.

Edit: apparently it wasn't Mark Cuban who had made the deal with her. People are asking about the audio. I am pretty sure it was in October but not sure if it was 2016 or 2015. His podcast archives don't go back that far.

But you should definitely check it out, it's a good show and the host is entertaining and kind of a dick. His morning show in LA is good too.

"Handel On The Law" is the name of the show.

[–]DeltaCenter3005 145 points146 points  (25 children)

Just for clarity, it was Lori and Kevin that made that deal, not Cuban. It is crazy though, I never knew that many deals fell through but it makes sense.

[–]anthonyjh21 130 points131 points  (18 children)

You'd be surprised. Robert by far is the biggest weasel whereas Cuban has the highest percent of follow through without backing out or modifying the terms. IIRC Robert is south of 50%.

[–]SloLGT 105 points106 points  (11 children)

Lori is a close second % wise but the volume well speaks volumes https://m.imgur.com/a/Zmpe9

[–]Zaideuspeg 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I can only imagine what it feels like to be talked down to even more when you back out of Mr. Wonderful's deal

[–]daisy0808 29 points30 points  (1 child)

Kevin and Robert both hosted the Canadian precursor to Shark Tank, called Dragons Den. (Which is still on CBC) Robert almost never made deals and Kevin is...Kevin. He often got put in his place by Arlene Dickinson, who has made more deals than either of those two.

[–]daysofsodom 46 points47 points  (0 children)

Due diligence is a complicated bitch

[–]ShadowSwipe 171 points172 points  (18 children)

Is there a recording? Would love to listen to this, Lol

[–]gordie44 462 points463 points  (4 children)

Found Shark Tank's Lawyer

[–]iLikeCoffie 55 points56 points  (3 children)

Does anybody know anything about launch coooooodes?

[–]PAXICHEN 19 points20 points  (5 children)

I love Handel On The Law. It used to be syndicated to the Boston area and I always made time to listen.

[–]jhaluska 647 points648 points  (63 children)

Yeah, he's always very kind to people on Shark Tank.

Except the snake oil salesmen. He rightfully rips them apart so gullible people won't waste their money. I have a lot of respect for him for doing that.

[–]buzznights 301 points302 points  (52 children)

And the patent trolls. Again, rightfully so.

[–]ebbinflo 59 points60 points  (10 children)

Also Silicon Valley type people, who are only there for exposure. They are not serious about investing with any of the sharks.

[–]trystaffair 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Oh man that guy who invested in Uber and wears cowboy shirts is the WORST. No matter what the pitch is he always manages to bring up "back when I invested in Uber..." and it's like dude we get it already.

[–]juice06870 13 points14 points  (1 child)

I really enjoyed the episode that I saw with Alex Rodriguez. I hated him as a baseball player, but he's a really smart person and seems like a very intelligent business man. I could watch him on there more often.

[–]TrepanationBy45 82 points83 points  (32 children)

Between you and the other comments about it, I feel like I need to search out and watch every Mark Cuban episode of Shark Tank now.

[–]I_Glow 163 points164 points  (24 children)

He’s the most entertaining of the sharks unless you like when rich people are smug dicks for the fun of it. You’ll like Kevin a lot if that’s the case.

[–]UCgirl 167 points168 points  (34 children)

I remember he invested in this farmer who developed a new way to water plants that wasted less water. All of the other Sharks said the market was too small. Cuban made a speech about farmers being a cornerstone of the US. He wanted to support him to also support the other farmers in the US by bringing this to production. He funded the guy what he wanted. It wasn’t a ton of money on the line (in Mark terms) but I always respected him for that one.

Edit: had the wrong Shark! I guess it’s not Cuban.

[–]Perfectly_AlDente 162 points163 points  (13 children)

This was one of my favorite episodes! However, I believe it was John Paul DeJoria (founder of Paul Mitchell) who made the deal and gave that speech. I remember cause this deal made me cry like a baby.

I do love me some Cuban though.

[–]Ravager135 43 points44 points  (1 child)

Maybe the best segment of all time. The best part about it was how quick the tree teepee guy took the deal when it was offered to him. It wasn't greed, he just genuinely wanted a partner who could help him navigate the business. He wasn't looking for a nitpicky counter offer or haggle.

[–]MegaMeepMan 20 points21 points  (4 children)

That was actually John Paul DeJoria

[–]anthonyjh21 19 points20 points  (4 children)

Or that guy who hired vets to help rent out live Christmas trees. Rest of the group basically laughed at him. They were shocked to see Cuban make a deal with the guy, and it had nothing to do with money. He honestly seems like a good guy.

[–]AttachedToMyRealName 186 points187 points  (26 children)

I've met him a few times and he's always come off as a "Oh shit I got rich" billionaire.

I've also only ever met him while he was wearing a tracksuit. He didn't even bother to take it off when he went off to play Rugby.

Here he is in 2009 high tackling santa my dad: http://ruckit.photo/mark_cuban.jpg

Edit: Some other photos from that weekend.

[–]nzerinto 76 points77 points  (7 children)

Huh, didn’t realize Mark Cuban played rugby.

And getting to play with Santa, that’s just an extra bonus!

[–]AttachedToMyRealName 85 points86 points  (4 children)

Huh, didn’t realize Mark Cuban played rugby.

Yep. You could say it's how he ended up where he is now. College rugby in the 70s were an extremely tight knit group of friends. One of his teammates lent him money to start a business. Which turned into another business which turned into .... Mavericks.

It's why IU's rugby field is called "Evan Williams'" Field, not Mark Cuban field: http://recsports.indiana.edu/facilities-and-hours/evan-williams.php

[–]Rebelgecko 14 points15 points  (3 children)

Was the friend drinking a fifth of Evan Williams when he let Mark Cuban have his money?

[–]AttachedToMyRealName 19 points20 points  (2 children)

As the story goes. He talked a friend into lending him money.

  • To open a bar.
  • On a college campus.

I'm sure every time someone comes up with that concept Evan Williams is involved.

Then again he's on SharkTank and I'm on reddit.

[–]Diaryofannefrankpt2 6594 points6595 points  (460 children)

I remember this. Mark had to do a new schedule for the dq employees on the day he was at DQ being a manager and he just copied last week's schedule but then a couple employees needed certain days off and Mark had a hell of a time with that lol

[–]Cewkie 384 points385 points  (20 children)

Sounds almost exactly like every part time job I've ever worked.

Schedule is almost always copied from the week before and it's a huge fucking ordeal whenever someone needs a day off.

[–]onemessageyo 64 points65 points  (16 children)

Would you prefer an original schedule every week where you have no idea what your day(s) off or hours are going to be?

[–]HacksawDecapitation 4349 points4350 points  (404 children)

That's really unrealistic.

A real minimum wage fast food manager would tell you too bad, and to find someone with that day/time off to cover your shift.

[–]evan466 2018 points2019 points  (280 children)

You just tell them that they didn’t give you enough notice so tough. And then they just quit because it’s a fast food job so they don’t care.

[–]HacksawDecapitation 1046 points1047 points  (255 children)

And a new surly 17 year old who doesn't want to be there is burning hamburgers within a week.

[–]Thisismyfinalstand 825 points826 points  (113 children)

Or a geriatric widow who's been scammed out of more social security money than she paid into it gets to run the register on drive thru!

[–]branchbranchley 435 points436 points  (92 children)

aaaand I'm sad

[–]DrDraek 690 points691 points  (89 children)

That's why Wal-Mart invented the greeter position, so they could keep desperate baby boomers as trophies in the front of their stores. Apparently shambling past aging sadness golems inspires some people to buy more trash.

[–]njl4515 277 points278 points  (8 children)

Sadness golems... I have a band name now!

[–]MetalIzanagi 64 points65 points  (6 children)

A real rock band, huh?

[–]Thiswasacouch 95 points96 points  (3 children)

No... it's just me with an acoustic guitar. The pluralization of "golems" is supposed to be- y'know what? Nevermind. I'm too sad now.

[–]Tianoccio 88 points89 points  (54 children)

Actually the sight of someone at the door asking for receipts tends to make people second guess shoplifting large items.

It's also not only old people, but if someone breaks an arm or is injured to the point where they can't do their job they will also be used as a door greeter as a way to keep them working and getting pay.

[–]Meowww13 50 points51 points  (0 children)

shambling past aging sadness golems

You have a way with words.

[–]Freakawn 88 points89 points  (3 children)

My boss always describes that guy as a hard worker who's willing to do that job for less without complaining.

[–]BlindfoldedNinja 156 points157 points  (1 child)

That's because your boss fucked up and has to describe the next employee as better than the last otherwise he might figure out that he's the reason the store is filled with bad workers.

[–]shadow_moose 621 points622 points  (116 children)

I've eaten at a dairy queen once.

I'd been biking for 9 hours at that point and I needed to eat. As I crested a hill, below me stretched a luscious green valley. Cows to my right, cabbage to my left, a Cadillac escalade on my ass, and a dairy queen right in front of me.

Since I wasn't in the mood for a whole cow, I stopped at the DQ. Outside, six or seven of the most rotund people I'd ever seen sat happily munching away at their hydrogenated corn beef products. It looked ok, so I went in.

The burger I got was fantastic. The burger I got was awful. The burger I got was the beginning of the end for me. According the labels on the menu, I consumed 1240 calories in one sitting, but it wasn't enough so I went back for more. Two burgers down, two large cocks, and more fries than I have hairs on my balls.

I've never felt so heavy as I did walking out of that dairy queen. To this day I wonder how in the hell I managed to get back on my bike and go for another two hours.

Anyways, long story short, once I got off my bike to camp for the night, I got out my trowel and dug decent sized hole. I took off my pants for fear of spatter, and I got down to business. Two minutes later I was still loosing a torrent of shit from what was no longer my asshole, but rather, my ass chasm. In those two minutes I had filled the hole and it had begun to overflow.

In that moment, I began to fear for my life. Was this long brown rope ever going to stop curling up inches below my tender buttocks? Once the dairy queen monster had finished excising itself, was I going to loose the rest of my insides too, simply due to the inertia of the thing?

It was right then that I was interrupted. A fisherman had come out of the woods behind me, and before he realized what was going on, he'd stepped into the stink zone. This was the first and only time in my life where I have seen a man faint from looking at poop. I finished up, wiped, and tried my best to cover up the hellspawn I had let loose upon the river bank. As I was doing that, the man came to and said "Son, what the fuck have you been eating?" to which I responded "Dairy queen".

The man's lips went pale, he nodded briskly, and then moved away as quickly as he could without seeming rude. To this day, I still look back to this experience. No matter how bad my day has been, at least it wasn't dairy queen shits by the river bad.

[–]TomasTTEngin 344 points345 points  (10 children)

Two burgers down, two large cocks, and more fries than I have hairs on my balls.

Just gonna grab this freudian slip before you see it and edit it out.

EDIT: great story tho.

[–]Ideasforfree 115 points116 points  (2 children)

Did you read on to the part about his new "ass chasm", twas not a slip but a sly admition

[–]shadow_moose 128 points129 points  (2 children)

I definitely meant to say cokes, but I'm not editing that. That's great.

[–]Pillarsofcreation99 39 points40 points  (0 children)

This was not due to eating at DQ ... It was rather due to the two large cocks

[–]AJ7861 89 points90 points  (1 child)

The burger I got was fantastic. The burger I got was awful.


[–]Hadrianunlimited 45 points46 points  (0 children)

It was the best of times and it was the worst of times

[–][deleted] 176 points177 points  (53 children)

how do you people shit out this fast food like you are dying less than a couple hours later?

it has never happened to me, ever. all i hear about with these places is people just shitting themselves constantly and it has never happened to me, never even came close. you guys need to see a fucking doctor or something

[–]Durto 110 points111 points  (34 children)

One day, you too will not be between the ages 5-25. Then you will understand how your body can turn on you at a moment's notice, your only sanctuary being that cold throne of porcelain where your purge your innards and proclaim you will never eat at that establishment again, and that's if you're lucky enough to make it there.

Enjoy your bottomless food pit while you can.

[–]Farghobbles 78 points79 points  (9 children)

29 year old checking in.

I was once an unbeliever as well, but... it has begun.

[–]AtomicBarbarian 58 points59 points  (5 children)

Two burgers down, two large cocks, and more fries than I have hairs on my balls

I didn't know you could get a side of cock with your burger at Dairy Queen

[–]DarkTussin 16 points17 points  (0 children)

It was a rural dairy queen; they probably had the rooster cage out back.

[–]Notsellingcrap 195 points196 points  (38 children)

Speaking from lots of experience... You copy last weeks shifts. If people need a day off, you take their hours and put them up for people to grab voluntarily until you either work it yourself because you're the manager, or you volen-tell someone to work it. (Maybe that's what you meant, I'm not sure....)

Most the time pick up shifts are gladly picked up. Maybe not by your best workers, but usually by people capable. Otherwise why do you still employ them?

Managers who make schedules hodge-podge makes scheduling for things outside of work for everyone a lot more complicated. You can't plan for specific people to be there on specific days and get used to it, and they can't plan on appointments, paying bills, or hanging out with friends.

Although it is a good way to have an excuse to sit on your ass for a while while you try to fill holes in your schedule then have to re-write it anyways because you forget you need someone at a specific time but forgot that because you were filling it out by hand....

[–]GreenFox1505 34 points35 points  (2 children)

Yeah but Mark Cuban was challenged to be good at his job.

[–]Aikidi 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Cuban used to work in the service industry before he got mega rich in the dotcom bubble, he's not a stranger to that sort of schedule.

[–]DaddyF4tS4ck 164 points165 points  (26 children)

And a schedule is a living breathing document. It's not something you do in 1 day. It's something you update over and over off a basis.

[–]GiverOfTheKarma 84 points85 points  (16 children)

Depends. Some places do schedules on a week-by-week basis.

[–]XxDrummerChrisX 32 points33 points  (11 children)

Shit, my schedule is on a yearly basis. Makes things easy

[–]Anshin 93 points94 points  (10 children)

lmao imagine a 16 y/o kid getting a year schedule at burger king

[–]Sumit316 2182 points2183 points  (62 children)

[–]ElddisShamalXL 1138 points1139 points  (16 children)

I can't tell if the guy in the back is either:

Excitedly waiting for him to fuck up
asking himself "why did I allow this?"
thinking "you can't treat a cone like that before giving it to a customer!"
also thinking "what a hot piece of ass"

[–]PanamaMoe 55 points56 points  (1 child)

He is watching what Cuban is doing to the ice cream cone and has no plans to stop him for the next 5 minutes or so. 3 if there is chocolate syrup involved.

[–]bistrocat 305 points306 points  (3 children)

i think its all of them

[–]redpandaeater 239 points240 points  (2 children)

I wonder if he likes being called Tony.

[–]what_it_dude 16 points17 points  (0 children)

"Cuban! More fries!"

[–]raptorman556[S] 62 points63 points  (0 children)

This is awesome!

[–]TheManWithNothing 2003 points2004 points  (52 children)

I want Cuban levels of fuck you money

[–]srsfaceI8C 784 points785 points  (21 children)

He definitely has "No, fuck YOU!" money.

[–]UnconstitutionalBot 242 points243 points  (1 child)

"Fuck me? No, fuck you and your mother" money.

[–]n7-Jutsu 83 points84 points  (16 children)

At what level does money become "fuck you" money?

[–]myNMSaccount 204 points205 points  (7 children)

When you have to pay like $15,000 to say the word fuck and you don't care. Im too lazy to find the link, but that happened.

[–]alyzmae 154 points155 points  (6 children)

[–]Valjean_The_Dark_One 110 points111 points  (0 children)

That's easily the best way to donate to charity.

[–]flexcabana21 29 points30 points  (0 children)

He increased it to 30k by saying fuck it again.

[–]Specken_zee_Doitch 60 points61 points  (2 children)

When you no longer have to say "yes" to anything for the money.

There's a popular subreddit where the best thing somebody can post as a response is "Go Fuck Yourself" in this same vein.

[–]medalofhalo 245 points246 points  (7 children)

Gotta get in the three comma club, no point on living if you're just a 900 millionaire.

[–]dtlv5813 141 points142 points  (11 children)

Easy. Just start a tech company and then sell it to Yahoo at an insane valuation. See also tumblr and many (most?) other Yahoo acquisitions

[–]uniqueguy263 73 points74 points  (4 children)

You can't do that anymore, Yahoo sold Yahoo to Verizon six months ago for less than what they bought broadcast.com for, and just became a holding company for their investments. Since then their stock has almost doubled.

[–]ghostboytt 44 points45 points  (3 children)

He rode the dot com bubble and got off at the right time.

[–]LockedUnlocked 430 points431 points  (23 children)

TIL that he is a fucking young looking 59 year old.

[–]pratorian 235 points236 points  (18 children)

That’s what a billion dollars buys you.

[–]allysonwonderland 51 points52 points  (0 children)

All you need is a good blood boy

[–]sdgfunk 9205 points9206 points  (726 children)

TIL in 2012 Mark Cuban offered Donald Trump $1 million to a charity of Trump's choosing if Trump shaved his head.

[–]Puppetmaster64 1091 points1092 points  (77 children)

Well Trump shaved Vince McMahon's hair in a hair vs hair match so maybe it was for that.

[–]Aikidi 457 points458 points  (68 children)

There's no way Trump would have agreed to that if there was a possibility he'd have to shave haha.

[–]Theons_sausage 676 points677 points  (41 children)

You're right. Stone Cold was the ref, so there's no way it was fair. Really surprised that Vince and Donald would agree to such an unfair ref.

Steve Austin had already assaulted Vince several times, assaulted his son, his daughter and his wife. He broke into Vince's home. He even assaults Vince while he was in the hospital. He ran over Vince with a monster truck, and pretended to shoot him in the head.

Personally, I'm looking forward to the day when Trump finally decides to bomb Texas with a nuke, rips off his plastic facemask revealing he's been Vince McMahon all along and screams "IT'S ME AUSTIN!" into the camera as the world burns in nuclear fire.

[–]breakyourfac 413 points414 points  (16 children)

I can't believe there's no reference to 1998 hell in a cell in this post

[–]Thedirtiestj 93 points94 points  (5 children)

Those are always out of nowhere though, this has too much about the WWE in it to be one of those... although, it does seem like that would be just the strategy that would fool me now that I think about it

[–]No1YouKnow42 45 points46 points  (4 children)

Yeah shittymorph would be commenting if it was a story about martha Stuart baking cookies for easter or some shit

[–]Vordeo 37 points38 points  (1 child)

JR: "Awwww son of a bitch."

[–]redditblank 30 points31 points  (3 children)

Well, what happened next?

[–]raptorman556[S] 2816 points2817 points  (502 children)

You mean took his wig off?

[–]fancyhatman18 417 points418 points  (58 children)

Do you really think a wig maker to a billionaire would make a wig that looks that bad?

That's a massive combover.

[–]darth_hotdog 176 points177 points  (49 children)

If they sold wigs at the 99 cent store they still wouldn’t look that bad. There’s no way that’s a wig. Either that’s his real hair or he shaved a very old golden retriever and taped its fur to his head.

[–]DumbDan 2836 points2837 points  (420 children)

Nah, according to his daughter he has hair on the sides, back, and a little up front. It's then combed a certain way and locked down with a shit ton of hair spray. She also said the color comes from abusing Just for Men coloring and it stained it that weird color.

Edit: Wow, made a comment and went to bed. Woke up to my most upvoted comment being about trumps hair.

[–]Hooked_On_Colonics 1417 points1418 points  (308 children)

She also said the color comes from abusing Just for Men coloring and it stained it that weird color.


[–]Raintitan 973 points974 points  (273 children)

She said he wasn't patient when having it applied. So it looks odd.

[–]sheepsleepdeep 82 points83 points  (11 children)

The the longer you leave Just For Men in, the darker it gets, and he's impatient, so he removed it early and that's how he gets that orange color.

[–]squarecorners 326 points327 points  (44 children)

Not exactly true RE the hair color. From the book, apparently the color starts off orange and then fades into a more normal color... but he re-colors his hair compulsively.

But then again, there are a lot of things to attack him over... his personal appearance need not be one of them.

[–]dethsesh 50 points51 points  (3 children)

Well the guy is 71 years old, I doubt there is much he could do anyway except lose a bit of weight. But you could say that about most people

[–]SoMuchMoreEagle 66 points67 points  (5 children)

She also said the color comes from abusing Just for Men coloring and it stained it that weird color.

What was he doing? Drinking it?!

[–]Tje199 47 points48 points  (0 children)

Not leaving it in long enough I think. The longer it's in the darker it gets. If not left in very long, super light.

[–]AnxietyDepressedFun 782 points783 points  (13 children)

He bought everyone free cones that day too. I only know because I went through the drive thru that exact day.

Second time I met him I was in high school at a journalism conference in downtown (Dallas) & was in line complaining that I couldn't afford a $10 T-Shirt from the event. I feel a tap on my shoulder & Cuban hands me a $20 & says "here get your friend one too." Then spent about an hour talking journalism & taking photos/signing autographs for a bunch of high schoolers. Genuinely nice guy.

[–]kukukele 205 points206 points  (3 children)

Friend met him at a lunch charity. We will call him T. Three years later a friend of T's met Cuban and briefly mentioned how he had a friend who ran this small internet company and who met Cuban a few years earlier. Cuban immediately says "oh tell T I said hi, he's a great guy!"

Pretty crazy that he remembered him by name considering it was a single occurrence and he probably meets tens of thousands of people a year.

[–]FallPhel 16 points17 points  (0 children)

This is like college professors(in small schools) that remember everyone's name from every class they've ever had. Them smart folk

[–]gaveedraseven 126 points127 points  (1 child)

And?!?! I feel like this TIL stops at the most interesting part. Could Mark Cuban manage a Dairy Queen? Was it, like officiating an NBA game, harder than he thought? I need answers!

[–]I-am-Alpharius 11 points12 points  (0 children)

People lined up down the street all day to buy ice cream from the famous Mark Cuban. So the end result was probably the single most successful day a DQ has ever had.

[–]24Reference 720 points721 points  (80 children)

This was classic early Cuban. I remember seeing the footage on Fox Sports Net.

[–]aceofspadez138 577 points578 points  (78 children)

That's the thing I respect about Cuban. He might be a loudmouth sometimes, but he sticks to his word for the most part. Can't say the same for a lot of outspoken people. He puts his money where is mouth is.

[–]syrne 602 points603 points  (40 children)

This seems like a good time to point out that it has been 3188 days since Sean Hannity said he would be waterboarded for charity to prove that it wasn't torture.

[–]PM_ME_YOUR_BONGOS 140 points141 points  (20 children)

Me too. He has enough money to not have to do a damn thing for the rest of his life but the fact he did this, even if it was a publicity stunt makes me like him.

[–]AcneBalls 85 points86 points  (15 children)

This is what made me like him https://youtu.be/Na5lUrV6SaQ

[–]PM_ME_YOUR_FUGACITY 31 points32 points  (0 children)

This is great hahaha

[–]sofingclever 28 points29 points  (2 children)

Mark Cuban seems like what every average day dude says they would do if they were rich...except he actually acts that way, unlike almost anyone else who has that kind of money.

He seems like he just has fun with it...buys sports franchises, participates in wrestling matches, etc. He's like if a 12 year old boy won the lottery, and I mean that as a very sincere compliment.

[–]niel89 44 points45 points  (5 children)

My favorite is when he obliterated Skip Bayless in his face and on ESPN. Just completely exposed how empty Bayless was in his critique.


[–]AcneBalls 28 points29 points  (0 children)

“You have a presumption that people care what you say.” God Damn!

[–]Magnetronaap 17 points18 points  (1 child)

My favourite is him telling ESPN to delete their twitter account after criticising Dirk.

[–]Maxcrss 18 points19 points  (0 children)

You don’t criticize Dirk man he’s a great player and a cinnamon roll of a person.

[–]honey-bees-knees 51 points52 points  (3 children)

Still hard to get past him calling net neutrality bad without researching the topic at all though

[–]ShoutOutTo_Caboose 1071 points1072 points  (158 children)

Cuban is the best entrepreneur. He’s been fined several hundred thousand for cursing out refs and cursing on national TV.

[–]raptorman556[S] 656 points657 points  (118 children)

[–][deleted] 105 points106 points  (33 children)

I’m just curious, what does the NBA do with fine money? Do they donate it to charity, do they donate it to themselves, does it get divvied up between all the teams? etc...

[–]Ryamix_Investments 205 points206 points  (5 children)

Buy more balls?

[–][deleted] 43 points44 points  (1 child)

If they run out of balls do they do a fine quota?

[–]fancypantsdog 22 points23 points  (0 children)

i think they just buy more whistles.

[–]packersSB53champs 144 points145 points  (5 children)

They pool it up, count them, stack them, then shove it up their butts

[–]anoff 29 points30 points  (1 child)

charity. Varies by league, and sometimes year to year.

[–]ShoutOutTo_Caboose 227 points228 points  (76 children)

Damn. Lot more than when I last checked.

[–]raptorman556[S] 633 points634 points  (75 children)

And he matches every donation to charity at 100%. So if you count the charity donations, it's $4 Million.

[–]Pleaseluggage 68 points69 points  (0 children)

And I got a blizzard from him. He even held it upside down.

[–]CTMalum 1198 points1199 points  (71 children)

Mark Cuban is the billionaire that Donald Trump thinks Donald Trump is.

[–]Seeeab 210 points211 points  (35 children)

Haha it's funny, doesn't really relate to his comment about Ed Rush tho. Probably still can't run a Dairy Queen

[–]reedemerofsouls[🍰] 174 points175 points  (31 children)

He was suggesting managing a DQ was easy, i think they were trying to prove it wasn't so easy like "you try it"

[–]VAisforLizards 246 points247 points  (27 children)

I've managed restaurants a lot larger than a Dairy Queen, and I promise you one day is a fucking joke. The manager can pretty much just sit in the office doing lines of coke for 10 hours and the restaurant will run itself. Running a restaurant successfully for years, however, requires a lot more respect that has to be built up over time and relationships with customers, staff, and vendors. Running a busy restaurant is not easy, running a Dairy Queen for a day? Just about anybody's kid brother could handle it

[–]Bitter-asshole 121 points122 points  (13 children)


[–]grape_jelly_sammich 69 points70 points  (5 children)

(puts a hand on your shoulder)

Buddy...you can be MR Manager.

[–]GinsengHitlerBPollen 15 points16 points  (0 children)

This guy knows the service industry.

[–]LegendaryFalcon 42 points43 points  (0 children)

The performance appraisal at the end of the day would've been interesting.

[–]onethirdacct 203 points204 points  (32 children)

Did they really think a self made billionaire like Cuban can't manage a fast food restaurant? His while life is management.

[–]foxh8er 143 points144 points  (26 children)

The thing I like about Mark is he literally came from nothing. Went to a state school, worked hard, and then got insanely lucky to get screw you money. Then did it again to get his fuck you money.