top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]PM-ME-XBOX-LIVE-GOLD 4287 points4288 points  (149 children)

McDonalds. My power is out due to an ice storm and my wife needs wifi for a school project. McDonalds still has power.

[–]commaspace1 1097 points1098 points  (98 children)

Are you somewhere in Ontario?

[–]PM-ME-XBOX-LIVE-GOLD 977 points978 points  (73 children)

Sure am. Just outside of Ottawa.

[–]GeraltofCanada 419 points420 points  (31 children)

Had some weird hail over here in NB earlier too.. That comin from you fuckers?

[–]Tunzah 231 points232 points  (7 children)

You bet, my works roof is caving in over it.

[–]BigDaddyZ 122 points123 points  (6 children)

Rogers Center? Jk

[–]IHaveTrumpQuestions 77 points78 points  (3 children)


[–]RollingZepp 23 points24 points  (0 children)

I'm waiting in my living room for power in Ottawa. It came back for 10 seconds and is gone again. Such a tease.

[–]Cryo_Hawk 38 points39 points  (12 children)

We're getting that shit here in London too

[–]Whiffster 36 points37 points  (7 children)

Just wtf was this weekend...give me SPRING!

[–]Can-DontAttitude 38 points39 points  (1 child)

We already did, back in February. We even had a mild summer, one afternoon.

[–]Forikorder 64 points65 points  (6 children)

Torontonian checking in got hit HARD on saturday

[–]StuntmanK 56 points57 points  (2 children)

I bet you their ice cream machine is still broken.

[–]splergel 10 points11 points  (1 child)

It malfunctioning is what caused the ice storm in the first place.

[–]Operario 9832 points9833 points  (114 children)

Taking a shit. It's building up.

[–]BeachofWeatheredSand 1138 points1139 points  (39 children)

Same. I've got one in the on-deck circle.

[–]Operario 332 points333 points  (33 children)

It's a grand feeling isn't it?

[–]BeachofWeatheredSand 265 points266 points  (30 children)

I'll let you know in about 10 minutes.

[–]Operario 169 points170 points  (29 children)

Please do.

[–]BeachofWeatheredSand 332 points333 points  (25 children)

It was glorious. I feel about five pounds lighter.

[–]Operario 238 points239 points  (21 children)

Glad to hear! A great shit makes a man's day.

Mine was a bit more liquefied than I'd like. And I feel there's more coming up. Not a great shit, 4/10

[–]throwaway12341342453 195 points196 points  (8 children)

I wish it was socially acceptable to have these kinds of conversations with a total stranger in real life.

[–]beerdude26 95 points96 points  (5 children)

You should make a Reddit clone and call it Reshit.com

[–]ladyoffate13 38 points39 points  (1 child)

Mine was a bit more liquefied than I'd like. And I feel there's more coming up.

Sounds like a touch of the squirts. Also, I really hope you mean “down”, not “up.”

[–]otabagel 25 points26 points  (0 children)

A great shit makes a man's day.

Prostate stimulation will do that

[–]nom_yourmom 123 points124 points  (5 children)

I will likely be continuing my current shit. Having that kind of a day

[–]BoyScouterino 89 points90 points  (8 children)

I’m reading this while taking a shit

[–]joker191 1128 points1129 points  (7 children)

Celebrating the 30 minute anniversary of you asking me this question!

[–]PerineumPowerPunch 2280 points2281 points  (30 children)

The pub. Just waiting for wife then it’s on the loser juice for a couple of hours.

[–]lilpastababy 667 points668 points  (24 children)

A couple pints, and wait for alll of this to blooow over

[–]PerineumPowerPunch 245 points246 points  (21 children)

You know that my friend. Luckily for me my missus has gone to yoga and I’ve just got a 10 weed on as well. I shouldn’t drink white rum on a Monday but fuck it. It’s for the greater good.

[–]cantcooklovefood 2811 points2812 points  (47 children)

here, doing homework

[–]Harvester_of_Sorrow 2848 points2849 points  (25 children)

Here, avoiding doing homework

Edit: During a 3 hour break I completed 1 easy assignment....

[–]MajorDishes 115 points116 points  (3 children)

here doing homework

Does not compute.

What kind of homework are you doing on /r/AskReddit, what kind of degree is this, and where do I sign up?

[–]Shawnj2 90 points91 points  (2 children)

A bullshitting degree from Reddit University, you can send me $50 in iTunes gift cards to sign up for the program.

[–]msief 25 points26 points  (0 children)

That's what you say now. It's also what you say in 30 minutes.

[–]dredle4 2169 points2170 points  (46 children)

Still sitting in the waiting room of the cardiologist.

Update: Everything came back normal.

[–]munene50 699 points700 points  (36 children)

Wishing you the best.

[–]dredle4 336 points337 points  (35 children)

Thank you... I sure everything will be fine. It's just a full work up.

[–]ZackFrost 221 points222 points  (34 children)

How’d it go?

[–]dredle4 382 points383 points  (30 children)

Still here! Went okay. Need to go back tomorrow for a stress test and echocardiogram. Apparently I didnt didnt know they weren't doing those tests today.

[–]ZackFrost 167 points168 points  (6 children)

I’m glad there’s nothing serious! Best of luck with the tests tomorrow!

[–]horror_unfolds 160 points161 points  (4 children)

This is very lovely and wholesome. You guys are sweet.

[–]harryp1998 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Keep us updated!

[–]cas201 12 points13 points  (12 children)

Did the same! I have a-fib

[–]GrayFox2510 67 points68 points  (2 children)

It's been nearly two hours. RIP /u/dredle4.

[–]yrulaughing 103 points104 points  (0 children)

Still sitting in my office redditing while making this patient wait in the waiting room.

[–]DinoGuy2000 1588 points1589 points  (67 children)

In my statistics class.

[–]Bbng2 237 points238 points  (21 children)

In my mechanics of materials class

[–]nationalorion 107 points108 points  (12 children)

Just wait until material science! That class is cool as fuck!

[–]Bbng2 35 points36 points  (2 children)

That ones not in my curriculum but I DO have to take civil engineering materials

[–]tog20 117 points118 points  (1 child)

Oh God. I'm so sorry.

[–]No_booze_for_yooze 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Ugh don’t remind me. I have my final exam this week in my overly complicated probability and stats class.

[–]rabbit395 69 points70 points  (5 children)

statistics itself is an interesting subject but the professors are SO BORING!

[–]boofboof123 98 points99 points  (0 children)

I feel you :(

[–]johnhalcyon 8 points9 points  (0 children)


[–]maora34 610 points611 points  (7 children)

Still procrastinating on my work.

[–]ImNotASWFanboy 13 points14 points  (0 children)

There's always tomorrow, right? That's what I've been telling myself, and now my deadline looms on the horizon.

[–]throwaway12341342453 3556 points3557 points  (107 children)

jerking off probs

[–]Scarbane 1087 points1088 points  (74 children)


[–]throwaway12341342453 2250 points2251 points  (64 children)

it happened

[–]boyvsfood 1026 points1027 points  (25 children)

This guy follows up.

[–]Lexcah_agaetra 33 points34 points  (10 children)

How was it?

[–]throwaway12341342453 213 points214 points  (9 children)

It was ok. I thought this was just gonna be another pointless AskReddit question that would pass by without much attention, but apparently a lot of people are on reddit are now aware of the fact that I masturbated earlier.

[–]ithappenb4 39 points40 points  (0 children)

You called?

[–]Guy_Fieri_69 142 points143 points  (8 children)

Same. Jerking you off, probs.

[–]ikeepforgettingmyacc[🍰] 1079 points1080 points  (22 children)

Doing your... son?

[–]gold_y 659 points660 points  (9 children)

dont say doing your wife don’t say doing your wife don’t say doing your wife

[–]Random_Redditer4Life 361 points362 points  (8 children)

Doing your wife

[–]jdotflo 324 points325 points  (6 children)


[–]trancinn8 49 points50 points  (4 children)

Tell me sir , what is your name ?
Uhh uhh * *Pea

[–]Rainverm38 39 points40 points  (3 children)


[–]hordak666 39 points40 points  (2 children)


[–]trancinn8 23 points24 points  (1 child)

Kakaawwwwww* talon and wing sounds

[–]Ideaslug 41 points42 points  (0 children)

You gonna eat that stapler?

[–]plop0 10 points11 points  (4 children)

you gunna eat that stapler? ...wanna split it?

2003 me thought that shit was hilarious. i still think it's fairly funny.

[–]ShewTheMighty 32 points33 points  (0 children)

This guy gets is

[–]Xannin 727 points728 points  (35 children)

The shower. Currently shitting. Maybe I will be finished with the shower. So I guess getting dressed or starting my taxes.

Edit: I was at the taxes portion at the 30 minute mark.

[–]gold_y 301 points302 points  (23 children)

Why not shit in the shower? Win win!

[–]Xannin 384 points385 points  (21 children)

I didn't have diarrhea, and waffle stomping is time comsuming.

[–]Lhousy 197 points198 points  (13 children)

TIL of the term waffle stomping.

[–]buds4hugs 34 points35 points  (0 children)

Waiting to the last days to do your taxes, a man that likes to live on the edge

[–]LordZeya 35 points36 points  (2 children)

And I felt bad about putting taxes off till 2 days ago...

[–]_the_bored_one_ 6166 points6167 points  (128 children)

Still redditing at work.

Edit: obligatory thanks for the gold kind stranger and god damn it my most upvoted comment now is about me slacking off at work.

[–]Thedrakespirit 644 points645 points  (78 children)

You and me both

[–]AtheistKiwi 283 points284 points  (74 children)

You and me and that other guy.

[–]zxcv5748 191 points192 points  (69 children)

Make that four of us.

[–]Rettus1 150 points151 points  (66 children)

The 5 of us.

[–]teejaydubz 133 points134 points  (65 children)

That's six now.

[–]LONETECHNOLOGIES 119 points120 points  (64 children)

Seven, actually...

[–]_xxiv_ 119 points120 points  (63 children)

Eighth person checking in

[–]VTCHannibal 116 points117 points  (60 children)

Nine now, but back to eight in 30 minutes because I need to drive home.

[–]MajorDishes 37 points38 points  (2 children)

And preparing to go home so I can reddit there, instead.

[–]anxious_tamagogo 58 points59 points  (4 children)

Best part of work

[–]kisswithaspell 52 points53 points  (3 children)

the only part of work am i right fellas

[–]Boots4 607 points608 points  (16 children)

Sitting at my desk, continuing to browse reddit.

[–]lilfennec 390 points391 points  (52 children)

Hopefully at my boyfriend's house getting ready to eat a burger

Edit: I didn't realize you guys spelled burger without a U, that's just how it's spelled in my country.

[–]EggsForEveryone 439 points440 points  (16 children)


I read this in Steve Martins voice from The Pink Panther

[–]AncientCodpiece 54 points55 points  (15 children)

Is that some sort of fancy burger?

[–]lilfennec 71 points72 points  (11 children)

They're having this event right now in most burger places where I'm from where you buy a burguer and get fries, an iced tea and a ben & jerry's pint for free, so I'm really excited about going out to eat today!

[–]Nickbou 31 points32 points  (3 children)

I was going to hop on the bandwagon of poking fun at the unusual spelling of burger, but now I’m just jealous envious.

[–]nolaz010 535 points536 points  (5 children)

Still thinking of something witty to comment.

[–]Erulastiel 63 points64 points  (34 children)

Getting ready to take the bus to my job interview.

Edit: I got the job

[–]Dekeita 34 points35 points  (32 children)

How'd it go?

[–]Erulastiel 81 points82 points  (31 children)

I think I aced it. What they expect from me is everything my last job wanted from me, and I did exceptionally well there. They had a "try out," where the interviewer pretended to be a customer and asked for help. I'll find out tomorrow if I'm hired.

Thank you for asking.

[–]SquashedPizza 15 points16 points  (3 children)

Best believe we'll be waiting for an update!

[–]D4matt 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Awww. Reddit's community seems so nice here!

[–]SwigSwootintheBoot 164 points165 points  (26 children)

Learning bout history.

[–]oh_mos_definitely 304 points305 points  (8 children)

If we don't study the mistakes of the future we're doomed to repeat them for the first time.

[–]aTron6424 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Hmm. Yes.

[–]dylantrain2014 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Woah there, we don’t talk about that here.

[–]MadLintElf 492 points493 points  (34 children)

Eating a lamb gyro with extra onions, they are delicious.

[–]nunesgss 128 points129 points  (5 children)

still procrastinating tasks that should have been completed five hours ago.

[–]nunesgss 59 points60 points  (4 children)

I am still procrastinating, but now I have coffee, so I have more energy to do it.

[–]1cutepup 42 points43 points  (7 children)

crying, probably

pms sucks

[–]diabetomaximus 176 points177 points  (23 children)

Still on the toilet redditing. IBS makes my life both very predictable and very unpredictable depending on the day

[–]meanderthaler 39 points40 points  (13 children)

How bad is IBS? At the hospital right now waiting for a diagnose, and IBS and Crohn’s has been mentioned...

[–]diabetomaximus 27 points28 points  (8 children)

It sucks, but there are diet changes and stuff you can do to try to make it manageable. I also have Celiacs so that makes it a little different. What are your symptoms like? Obviously I can't diagnose you or whatever but there's a lot of people on r/ibs who share experiences with things that help them.

[–]SpiritedDistribution 17 points18 points  (5 children)

Oh how I know THAT struggle. Days without shitting, days where the shit won't stop coming! This is going to sound stupid and fad but try cutting out gluten for a bit, see if it helps. Mine improved greatly by reducing the amount of gluten. I can't do without my pizza though so... But try it, see if it helps.

[–]diabetomaximus 14 points15 points  (3 children)

I actually already don't eat gluten, I have Celiac disease as well lol.

[–]CyberTsundere 73 points74 points  (14 children)

Hopefully not hungover anymore.

[–]notacreativeuser8 46 points47 points  (10 children)

Pedialyte/Water, cucumbers, and ramen are your best friends. Mondays always suck.

[–]Alpha_Meta_man 124 points125 points  (5 children)

In a mirror

[–]Wirhouski 58 points59 points  (2 children)

Taking a quiz I should study for but here I am

[–]AncientCodpiece 184 points185 points  (15 children)

Making a poo hammock in the nearby Subway restroom.

[–]DummGhahrr 27 points28 points  (4 children)

Buying butter for some potatoes tonight

[–]DocLeWolfe 206 points207 points  (8 children)

At Tilted Towers

[–]SamCropper 131 points132 points  (2 children)

See you there...

from a long way away...

through a scope...

[–]Hakadamoo 40 points41 points  (4 children)

Well I’ll be in Pochinki.

[–]Stab_City 41 points42 points  (2 children)

I'm taking my ass back to bed

[–]Bigstar976 45 points46 points  (2 children)

At work. Source: I’m at work.

[–]kirito_s_a_o 39 points40 points  (11 children)

At the gym. Trying to get my figure back from 3 years ago. Proving more difficult than I remember but I’ll get back there. Slow and steady and all that

[–]jmo_joker 55 points56 points  (2 children)

Still at work :C dying... slowly....

[–]XR6_Driver 43 points44 points  (0 children)


[–]KaliHyphy 36 points37 points  (3 children)

either studying, chilling or at the gym

[–]TheClayrooAtWork 14 points15 points  (2 children)


[–]KaliHyphy 36 points37 points  (1 child)

drinking tea right now and planning my evening - so yea, chilling

[–]generik89 16 points17 points  (1 child)

Sitting at this same desk hating my life, but with my Chipotle in front of me

[–]joescott2176 40 points41 points  (5 children)

Exactly where I am now.

[–]Maylooo 37 points38 points  (4 children)

well technically speaking the earth constantly moves.

[–]sk_2013 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Technically technically speaking there is no absolute reference point anyway, the closest we have is background radiation, so it's all about relative positioning anyway.

[–]Jim631 11 points12 points  (4 children)

At my desk eating the sushi I just ordered.

[–]grizzfan 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Still at work, still on this site.

[–]Nishant_Balaji 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Sitting in English class bored out of my mind

[–]Redbloss 23 points24 points  (9 children)

almost home to get changed to go for a run. the summer body won't happen without exercise and healthy diet.

[–]skullkid250 31 points32 points  (8 children)

No. I refuse to accept this, I’m gonna go eat a burger.

[–]ProfJemBadger 58 points59 points  (7 children)

Wouldn't you rather a burguer?

[–]monopolyporko 22 points23 points  (3 children)

In my slumber sleep .. Or on Reddit

[–]vogdswagon26 11 points12 points  (0 children)

still at work

[–]hardporecorn69 60 points61 points  (10 children)

Still thinking of a witty or funny response to this question all so I can feel a little better about myself and my direction in life by getting strangers to validate me. Also work