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gildings in this subreddit have paid for 30.71 months of server time

One day there is going to be a reboot of the Harry Potter movies, and an entire generation of us is going to hate everything about it by wunderfizz in Showerthoughts

[–]hogwartsbirthcontrol 479 points480 points  (0 children)

Henrietta Potter and the Equality Stone

Henrietta Potter and her consent to her Chamber of Secrets

Henrietta Potter and Azkabhan is the new black

Henrietta Potter and the Goblet of Mimosas

Henrietta Potter and the Sisterhood of the Phoenix

Henrietta Potter and the Half Extra Princess

Henrietta Potter and The Conflict Resolution Therapy Between Two Wizards Who Otherwise Were Headed for Dealthy Hallows

(/s and super exaggerated)

EDIT: Thanks for the gold kind stranger! I'll head right on down to switch to Gringotts from my terrible muggle bank

When Thanos snapped his fingers, there was probably a conjoined twin somewhere who was really happy by TheCaptainCog in Showerthoughts

[–]randominternetdood 179 points180 points  (0 children)

only the 2 headed ones.

the single head 2 sets of body parts ones are just freaks with too many organs and limbs.

gdi, gold for this, again. even I think the ones I get gold for are sub par shit posts lol

Mayonnaise is bread lotion. by AMiniMinotaur in Showerthoughts

[–]Portergeist 26 points27 points  (0 children)

And with four words you ruined lotion, mayo, and bread.

Edit:
TIL you can gild your own stuff on mobile. I meant to delete this, but delete and give gold are right next to each other on mobile. When the verification popped up, I habitually clicked it, thus gilding my own shit. Now, if I delete it, I threw away money...twice?

When self-driving cars become mainstream, dead old people will occasionally just arrive places. by MrSquirly in Showerthoughts

[–]Awportune 3237 points3238 points  (0 children)

It's not delivery, it's dead people

EDIT: THANK YOU SO MUCH KIND STRANGER <3

The Big Bang was simply an aftermath of what was swallow by a black hole. by Alwaysonthesidelines in Showerthoughts

[–]WilburMercerMessiah 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Awesome. I’m glad it was helpful! No worries about the gold. The gesture is enough. I’ve never gilded anyone, but was gilded one time for a comment I put about five seconds of thought into. Go figure. But if you do have gold to give out, save it for u/shittymorph. He deserves all the gold

Edit: well shit. This is the best day of my life. It’s hard to know what to say when you meet or are gilded by your hero. I don’t have a speech prepared. But thank you!

If people could sample a fit body for 5 minutes they'd probably be a lot more motivated to get fit. by Xnoopy in Showerthoughts

[–]TenNinetythree 4 points5 points  (0 children)

No, you don't. Imagine people suddenly took it upon themselves to attempt to convert you to Scientology. Every interaction with randoms, you need to assume a hidden agenda, every time, you think you found genuine human connection, there comes L. Ron Hubbard. And remember, that some of these people might be in positions of authority over you. This is how it feels like.

Nothing makes people madder than a logical solution to their emotional problem. by pambeesly9000 in Showerthoughts

[–]Hynjia 8302 points8303 points  (0 children)

Emotional problems often have apparently simple to understand solutions. People are looking for solidarity and understanding and compassion rather than a solution.

Edit: a common response I'm getting to this is "if you fix the problem, then it should follow that emotional support isn't needed."

Problems have emotional effects and consequences. Just because it gets fixed doesn't mean it didn't happen. If you bury your father, you're generally still going to feel like you miss him. Similarly, if Karen is being a bitch at work and your SO confronts them, that doesn't mean your SO is suddenly a-okay! The confrontation itself may be emotionally jarring.

Folks, please understand you're dealing with people that feel things, and we all like to be acknowledged for that, some more often than others.

Also please check out the research other users are linking and actually give it a try. It'll feel weird and tiring in a sense, but learning to be emotionally supportive is immensely useful and can make and strengthen relationships of all kinds.

Also thanks for the gold.

Depression is like reverse cancer: there's so little you want to do but you have so much time left by Sandvich18 in Showerthoughts

[–]aguycalledsteve 13.4k points13.4k points  (0 children)

For me it was more like: So much to do and less than zero inclination to do any of it.

Edit : Wow. I've been on Reddit nearly 6 years now and I've almost made more karma in one day on this comment than all my previous comments.

You can't throw away a bin. The bin men would just think it's an empty bin. You'd have to put the bin inside a bigger bin. Binception. by mr__susan in Showerthoughts

[–]CaptBranBran 5320 points5321 points  (0 children)

I am going through this right now. I have a half-destroyed bin in my garage right now; I've been breaking off parts and putting them in my regular bin every week, and now it's about half the size it was before.

Depression is like reverse cancer: there's so little you want to do but you have so much time left by Sandvich18 in Showerthoughts

[–]Potter4President 4237 points4238 points  (0 children)

Anxiety is like being trapped inside your paralyzed body. There’s so much you want to do, but for some reason you can’t bring yourself to do it. So you just lay there wondering what’s wrong with you and feeling sorry for yourself but hating that you’re feeling sorry for yourself because you just need to get up and take a shower or make a sandwich or clean your apartment or send in that resume or call your mom back. It’s not that hard. It’s not that hard. Just get up. Start one thing. But which thing? What if I do it wrong? It’s not that hard. It’s not that hard.

5 foot tall whalers using harpoons to kill 100 foot long whales was the equivalent of a pigeon killing a human with a dart. by PMmeFullBodyNudes in Showerthoughts

[–]GozerDGozerian 176 points177 points  (0 children)

Imagine just chilling in the park on a nice sunny day. You take the first sugary sips of your iced latte as you plan out this week’s Sunday adventure. You decide on that museum with the new exhibit of early 20th century American portraiture, then walk over to the bookstore with the open air wine bar, and maybe afterwards you can meet some friends for dinner at that trendy sushi bar everyone has been talking about.

Just then, all of a sudden, you feel a sharp sting on the back of your neck. You turn around and see a Radio Flyer wagon filled with pigeons hustling around, arming more darts attached to fishing line. You reach back to discover the dart in your neck has barbs that keep it securely in there, and it’s attached to the wagon with the same fishing line as the rest. And you realize at this moment that you dont have any hands or arms. So all you can think to do is start running, dragging your personal avian death wagon behind you as all the other humans in the otherwise serene and sun dappled park look on, startled, offering no help.

Over the torturous course of the afternoon, your panic slowly subsides into a labored, last-ditch struggling slog as you bleed out from the now multiple lacerations you’ve incurred by this miniscule band of murderous skyrats.

As the last of the sun sinks behind this once pleasant and comforting landscape, you finally succumb to exhaustion. The world grows dim and cool as some primal mechanism deep, deep in your brain stem decides to give up and let you fall down.

As your bloodied cheek smashes into the soft grass, as your eyelids involuntarily shut out the world you once knew and relished, as your lungs labor at the last gasps of air you will ever muster, the very final sounds you hear are the squawking and fluttering of dozens of violently ecstatic pigeons raging nearer and nearer around your faintly quivering, deliciously valuable flesh.

Your vision grows dim, the sounds of the world wash away. Right before you die, to a chorus of excited cooing, you painlessly feel the rock doves begin to feast on your body...

Depression is like reverse cancer: there's so little you want to do but you have so much time left by Sandvich18 in Showerthoughts

[–]Epledryyk 7139 points7140 points  (0 children)

I don't know if there's a cure, but boy, even just proper diet and exercise has been a beacon of change for me in recent months.

start with the little stuff, get stronger and better and fight upward

The fact that the entire world uses the same unit to describe time is underappreciated. by EenBalJonkoMan in Showerthoughts

[–]noob_almost 31.3k points31.3k points x3 (0 children)

Yes, the Mississippi is truly an amazing measurement

EDIT: Thanks for the golds redditors!

EDIT 2: a lot of comments about this being American specific so, I'm kiwi, I've never been to America

Superman's real superpower is finding white button-up shirts thick enough to hide a bright blue, red and yellow Superman logo underneath without showing through by quintessential_fupa in Showerthoughts

[–]RamsesThePigeon 5435 points5436 points  (0 children)

"Hey, who was that?"

"Hmm? What, the guy who was just in here?"

"Yeah, he looked familiar. What did he want?"

"Shirts. Like, really, really thick shirts."

"... Why?"

"Well, Metropolis gets cold. Maybe he wants to keep warm."

"Did you try selling him a jacket?"

"Yeah, actually, but he said they were all too trendy. He wanted something a year or two out of style."

"... Again, why?"

"Dude, what's going on? You never care this much about customers."

"Okay, fine, you want to know? He looked like Superman."

"He was wearing glasses."

"So what?! Superman could wear glasses!"

"Don't be an idiot. Why would Superman need glasses? He has super vision."

"Well, I don't know, do I?! Seriously, though, didn't he look like Superman?"

"Superman is an alien, dude. He probably doesn't look all that human."

"What?"

"Think about it: He probably has human-like features, and our minds just kind of fill them in."

"Why did I recognize him, then?"

"Maybe you've seen him on the news. That was Clark Kent."

"... You know, you could have just said that at the beginning."

"Yeah, but I didn't want to give away his secret."

"What secret?"

"I guess he wears, like, three shirts at once for some reason."

"Why?!"

"I told you, man: Metropolis gets cold."

having a large vocabulary is like having a big box of crayons. You rarely use azure or ochre, yet it still feels nice to have them in the box. by DavidBHAFC in Showerthoughts

[–]GetBackToWorkSlacker 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Consider the past two US presidents. Obama was coloring with the Crayola 64 pack. He knew how to speak in a way that was intelligent yet accessible, but he would reach for a purple mountain majesty from time to time.

Trump, on the other hand, is usually scribbling something nonsensical with the two broken crayons that came with the kid's menu.

Humans invested billions of dollars into building rollercoaster parks to make our brains think we’re about to die because we were bored. by Apendigo80 in Showerthoughts

[–]a10t2 5067 points5068 points x4 (0 children)

Some humans then went on to spend millions of dollars building virtual rollercoasters because they were bored but not enough to leave the house.

Edit: Obligatory "RIP my inbox". Before anyone gives this gold, whatever that is, please click here: https://www.charitywater.org/donate - it's the least-offensive, most reddit-friendly charity I could think of.

Edit 2: As u/TheThanosApprentice pointed out, there can be balance. For every reddit gold this gets I'll donate $5 to charity:water, and if you PM me your additional donation I'll match it.

Up to let's say $100 because I'm not made of money, dammit!

Edit 3: We raised $20 for charity:water! Proof here.

There must be someone out there that can has the potential to equal or perhaps surpass Albert Einstein and Steven Hawkings, but is wasted away playing league of legends or something. by delta17v2 in Showerthoughts

[–]33242 189 points190 points  (0 children)

This is my greatest fear for our society.

Steve Jobs was the son of a Syrian Immigrant. How many jobs would’ve been lost, how much economy, had we barred him from entry? What about the untold thousands of brilliant mathematicians, philosophers, or scientists who are never even given the same chance because they’re stranded in refugee camps, crippling poverty, or slavery?

High performers, those likely to become entrepreneurs, and those with vision should really be fostered more by our society, regardless of class, ethnicity, or religion. It’s the only true safeguard against stagnation.