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12.7k points · 1 day ago

And that Putin's name? Albert Einstein.

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51 points · 1 day ago

Do you know who flew the Chinook that day? Brian Williams.

772 points · 1 day ago

At the age of 45, Walter finally learned to go pee pee in the potty. His wife offered a celebratory hug.

[deleted]
4.3k points · 4 days ago · edited 2 days ago

[removed]

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2 points · 3 days ago

Bedford, Pa. - Bedford DA William Higgins, Jr. received his sentence on Friday, August 17 at 1:30 p.m.

Higgins will not spend any time behind bars since he pleaded guilty ot 31 charges in May.

He was accused of using his power as a District Attorney to help female drug dealers in exchange for sexual favors.

Following his hearing, he was sentenced to $9,700 in fines, eight years of probation, 1,125 hours of community service, 120 days of house arrest, and was sentenced for counseling.

"I think of the case from a lawyer's perspective," said Steven Passarello, Higgins' Attorney. "And even though Mr. Higgins is a lawyer, he found himself in the role of a defendant. And to his credit he decided he did not want to put his family or the county of bedford through a media circus trial."

Higgins was officially disbarred last month

Don't worry guys, he's doing community service now.

Original Poster449 points · 4 days ago

Alternatively: - Lisa's publisher was severely disappointed in her latest book adaptation of her favorite tweets -

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13 points · 4 days ago

Nana was not happy with her granddaughter's progress on candy crush. It was time to put her back in foster care.

I need to get back on here again

57 points · 9 days ago

I love the little shuffle. How old is he?

Original Poster465 points · 13 days ago · edited 13 days ago

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Wi-, Wikihow

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Wi-, Wikihow

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Wi-, Wikihow

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Wi-, Wikihow

-

We just wanna vacation

Vacation just for you

We just want the Disney

Disney just for you

I know you wanna vacation

Vacation just for me

Wiki, got me learnin’ (yeah, wiki got me learnin’)

Learn to drive a tank

We just wanna vacation

Vacation just for you (yeah)

We just want the Disney

Disney just for you (you)

I know you wanna vacation (yeah)

Vacation just for me (yeah)

Wiki, got me learnin’ (yeah, wiki got me learnin’)

Learn to drive a tank (you)

-

This is Wikihow

Don’t catch you learnin’ stuff

Don’t catch you learnin’ stuff

Look, the memes are enough

This is Wikihow (woo)

Don’t catch you learnin’ stuff

Don’t catch you leanin’ stuff

Look, the memes are enough

-

This is Wikihow (skrrt, skrrt, woo)

Don’t catch you learnin’ stuff

Gotta move my M60

Police escort isn’t free (woo)

Yeah, this is Wikihow (woo, ayy)

Tank barrel going pow

I got the tank (ayy, ayy)

I gotta move it now

Yeah, yeah, batteries fully charged (ugh)

Yeah, yeah, move the tank somehow (woo)

Yeah, yeah, filled with diesel fuel

Yeah, yeah, moving tanks is real cool

Yeah, yeah, gotta move it yeah (yeah)

Wikihow like yeah (woo)

Learn it now like yeah (straight up, uh)

-

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, all the karma

Picking up the karma

Wiki taught me

Wikihow, taught me (I move the tank)

Wikihow, taught me (I move the tank)

Wikihow, taught me (I move, the tank)

Wikihow, taught me (I move, the tank)

The tank

-

This is Wikihow (woo, ayy)

Don’t catch you learnin’ stuff (woo, woo, don’t catch you learnin, now)

Don’t catch you learnin’ stuff (ayy, woah)

Look, the memes are enough (tanks!)

-

This is Wikihow (yeah, yeah)

Don’t catch you learnin’ stuff (woah, ayy)

Don’t catch you learnin’ stuff (ayy, woo)

Look, the memes are enough (ayy)

Look how my tank is tough

It’s a tank move (a real tank move, woo)

A real dank move (a real dank move)

Push the brakes down (yeah, yeah)

My M60 (ayy, it’s a Patton)

Watch me move (tanks)

This a Wiki (ha)

Wiki groove (yeah)

All my karma (karma)

Ooh, got that (yeah, Wiki, got that)

Get it (get it, get it)

Ooh, karma (9k+)

Move the tanks, move the tanks, move the tanks (move the tanks)

Keep it dank, keep it dank, keep it dank (keep it dank)

Hold the brakes while the engine is on (whoa)

Whatever, Wikihow lives on (blaow)

-

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, tell somebody

Wikihow, I just checked your whole article and

Posted from the potty

You men of knowledge taught me

Wiki taught me

Wikihow, taught me (I move the tank)

Wikihow, taught me (I move the tank)

Wikihow, taught me (I move, the tank)

Wikihow, taught me (I move, the tank)

Disney (vacation, posted)

-

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, tell somebody

Linked it from the potty

Wiki taught me, “move your tank”, OP

Wikihow, taught me (I move the tank)

Wikihow, taught me (I move the tank)

Wikihow, taught me (I move, the tank)

Wiki

-

I’m just Redditing on this sub

Sitting near the tub

Writing me a parody, bub

Now I can move M60s, ayy

Cuz Wiki taught me, yeah

Moving my tank through the cities

I was taught by Wikihow

By Wikihow

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That's a well written parody sir

Original Poster19.3k points · 13 days ago

This is in Lee's Summit Missouri - "This unconventional method of collecting rent greeted patrons and workers at Planet Fitness today. The facility has been open since December.

A call to Planet Fitness yielded no comment. Their GM is unavailable until 10 PM this evening."

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Why doesn't he just sent notice and take them to court? This blockade doesn't help their case.

1.3k points · 13 days ago

Why not just park the Bobcat in front of the two doors to block the only way in?

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The entire thing is illegal and the landlord is actually hurting their case. You can't legally lockout or impair a business from continuing operations.

If they don't pay rent then you send proper legal notices. You proceed into court for eviction and lock out can follow.

It looks like they all found a head in their cooler.

The EPA has proposed a framework that will allow for the approval for "new uses" of asbestos.

The EPA has not changed anything about currently banned uses of asbestos, and any new uses would first be assessed by the agency.

On 1 June 2018, the Environmental Protection Agency Office of Pollution Prevention and Toxics announced a proposed “Significant New Use Rule” (SNUR) for asbestos — a mineral once widely used in the construction of buildings thanks to its flame-retardant properties, but now uncontroversially considered a carcinogen.

SNURs are a mechanism within the Toxic Substances Control Act that mandate specific EPA approval when a chemical is used in a significantly new way or in a significantly new mixture that “might create concerns.”

When the fuck is MU going to stop shitting at $50

1.6k points · 15 days agoGilded2 · edited 14 days ago

Watch people's insides die.

Edit: gilded? Obligatory thank you, kind stranger, but really? No, seriously, you made my week.

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11 points · 14 days ago

Watch someone wearing a cloth thong jump onto a fence.

Original Poster1.3k points · 15 days ago

Thanks! And I already did ;)

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This entire ad was fantastic. The end was my favorite "for the women and children too." Followed by Ellen Hello there!

229 points · 16 days ago

Building off this if i dislike a video, similar videos won't show up and I can even push certain youtubers and topics off my home page on the ps4 app by disliking their videos and refreshing the page

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I think there's a way to select "not interested" without having to view a video. I don't know if that's available on the ps4 app since it's a fairly basic UI

There's a "mattress store" near me that consists of a desk with a binder with pictures of mattresses in it.

You can't see the mattresses in person. The only person there is EXTREMELY rude and clearly wants you to leave. The prices are outrageous.

I'm positive they are a bad money laundering front.

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There's a chain of stores in Wisconsin that has mattresses but no employees. There's cameras in the store, no bathroom obviously, and a number you can call to order. There's a phone in the store that connects you directly to a head office if you have questions.

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I didn't watch that much. Wasn't there a huge bad call in the final?

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12 points · 17 days ago

There was an egregious dive in the first half which led to a free kick goal. Otherwise the final was decently called

Is this like ligma?

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Original Poster2 points · 17 days ago

No. It's a phrase my father in law uses and I saw an opportunity to use it.

Haha ligma balls gotcha

(Mind if I steal that phrase from you now?)

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Original Poster1 point · 17 days ago

Only if you give credit!

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I know the type 😒

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22 points · 18 days ago

It beats the time that my wife went to the store and I asked her to pick up some vodka. She was noticeably pregnant and the lady behind her in line was in an outrage because she shouldn't be drinking. She was like.. yeah this isn't for me. The lady didn't believe her and I wish I had been there.

And that's when I would've asked her what she fed her baby, and no matter what her answer, I would've told her all the reasons why it was the wrong choice. Some people really need to be put in their place.

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32 points · 18 days ago

She was a grandmother and had a rebuttal for every comment. My wife was just so done at that point she was trying to finish up to leave.

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Original Poster11 points · 18 days ago

Yes, I'm looking for a serious relationship, marriage and children and the whole lot, she says that she is as well. I've performed as an amateur/student soloist tonnes of times and as a professional choral tenor, but this is my first ever professional performance as a soloist, the real start of my career. I'm very upset about this, thank you for your comment.

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My mother-in-law, until she retired, was an orchestra director for a few schools. She had fall/spring concerts every year and we went to cheer her on. You think that I wanted to hear kids trying to play instruments? Hell no but I went anyways to support her.

290 points · 18 days ago

Luckily you found out that she doesn't care about you after 4 months rather than a year+ down the line. Dump her ass.

IDGAF if my significant other milks cats for a living (I have nipples Greg, can you milk me?), if it's important to them and it's a big step in their career you can bet your ass I'd be in the front row cheering while she milked cats or whatever.

A good partner cares about what accomplishments mean to you, not to them. She shouldn't need to be interested in the subject/performance because this about your achievement, not her interest. Do you think people like attending long-ass graduation ceremonies for school? No, they do it to support family and friends. This woman is neither.

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I love the analogy that you've created.

45 points · 18 days ago · edited 15 days ago

Ruined my entire day with this

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YOU MONSTER I WAS HAVING A PLEASANT MORNING

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u/kirosenn
Bored and always looking.
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